on my mind

I've worried for a long time now that I might have something wrong medically. The lapses in memory are becoming more difficult to deal with. I constantly feel like I'm either high/drunk or watching my life as if i were sitting in front of a TV screen...completely separated from reality.

I'm starting to fear myself a little. I don't know how to handle this brain problem when I go back to school or work...I hope I'm not dying because I'm not ready to.

if i let this go, would the scars continue to show?

I haven't really been doing much of anything...trying really hard to find a supplemental job. havent been able to relax at all lately.

trying to drink more tea instead of coffee. and trying to smoke much less than i have been...trying to spend less time out and make sure my family doesnt think i'm avoiding them. i'm really not.

i just feel like i'm wandering around. no purpose anymore.

it's been such a long time...

I figure I should let you know what I'm doing, since I don't have many people left to talk to...

I'm living with my parents again in Joliet, and I have a job as a Piano/Vocal instructor at a small music store. I really love my job, but it doesnt pay much so I'm still looking for another one.

There's so much that has gone on in the past...what, two years?
I had my own apartment for a little, but I lost my job as a photo developer and had to move back in with my parents.

I still feel like I'm lost in the world, but it's getting better.

let's see where tomorrow is.