It's a new day

 I was fortunate enough to be able to buy a wacom tablet today for much less money than previously predicted. You can possibly expect greater things from me now... hopefully

i will feel so much better

after comic-con is over. i'm working it next weekend.

booth babe ahoy.

i'm tired.

Right before going out ^

aftermath ^

i dont even go out a quarter as often as i used to, and it always makes me tired.

I'm getting old.

happy birthday

to me.

today

my sister told me she was gonna stop by my work today to see me and say hi, but she kind of ditched me.

i actually cried in my car about it.

but enough about that. today i
- got groceries...got a BUTT TON of groceries. and only spent 30 dollars on them.
- bought a toy for marcus's new pet rat. i think he'll like it. :3
- went to HM beauty and got the hair clips and hair for my extensions. i got 12 inches for 8 dollars. insane deal.

overall a great day by myself :3
i dont need anyone to feel good.

retail fail

today i went to a store here in crest hill called "plato's closet"

they boast brand name clothing and accessories at thrift store prices, because everything is second-hand.

this is fine with me, i like thrift stores. even better when they have betsey johnson...:3

but i digress, they had an event this weekend that was 'dollar clearance' and everything was a wreck. people with their children everywhere. it was insanity. and everything was jumbled with regular items or mis-marked as clearance.

i ended up spending about 45 dollars, but i did get some nice things.
two of the favourite pieces i got were a Betsey's tea party locket necklace (six dollars)
and a giant pvc Betseyville tote. GIANT. and awesome because i already have a smaller rose print pvc tote from her, but this one is black lace inlay with gold lightning bolts and studs. fantastic. (about 14 or 16 dollars)
then i got a dress for a dollar. magically. idk how i found it.
then a shirt for 6 bucks.
and a pair of brown platform sandals for 10.
add in some terrible illinois sales tax, and voila.
so it was probably worth the 45 dollars. now that i think about it.

still sucks when you spend money.

oh shit theres more

I took some video of the fourth of july.

This was taken right after a giant explosion on the ground where the fireworks malfunctioned.
the commentary is my favourite part.

after that, it seemed to go off without a hitch, so this video is mostly just pretty fireworks.

and this old one just for fun!

my problem

so i said before, i recently got kera and ageha july 2012 issues...

kyary pamyu pamyu is on the cover of Kera this month.

also ageha models like to drink this.

SO what i wanted to say was, there were plenty of photos i liked.
such as:

BUT SOMETHING WENT AWRY.

theres multitudes of these photos in the magazines. 

girls with decent fashion with blobs of dark pink or red under their eyes.

WTF

IS IT TRYING TO ANNOY ME?

you have rosacea? why would someone choose to do this?

i understand the 'dolly' look, but seriously, you shouldn't look like you're bleeding from your eyes.

acually is dolan

ok time to get shit done

mini haul post, ok? then later i'll talk about the fireworks we saw a few days ago.

the other day it was my 'birthday party' kind of, since my parents are now in europe.
they got me this sweet vaccum. i'm so happy, it's really what i wanted. a meaningful and practical gift!

the rest of these terrible photos are from a recent trip to Mitsuwa in Shaumberg. it takes an hour to drive there, but essentially it's a japanese market/food court/book store/liqour store, etc. general asian goods, and they play 2PM interviews on the tvs there.

i will enjoy some calpico strawberry also bought from mitsuwa before showing the haul.
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i like to fill myself with strawberry.

the package says there are 4 cookies per serving...how can you eat only 4 cookies?

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I also picked up july 12 kera and ageha magazines.
I have a gripe with a current trend in them, i will explain in a different post.
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this is a facial pore cleanser made with egg shell and charcoal.
i bought it mostly because of the little man on it.

it's also not common to see a pore cleanser that's opaque and black like this.
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this is hadasui skin and body lotion in a spray form. 

interesting. and convenient because you can use it for multiple purposes. 

i don't understand the photo on the bottom right. computer needs moisture??
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i like monsters. this keychain is cute.
it wasn't purchased at mitsuwa, but a dollar store here in my home town.
maybe i'll call her Tipo.

that's about it. thank you.

of course i have photos rotting away on my phone

but i just fucking hate myself today. fuck fuck fuck.

gonna sleep.

hoping for reality.

dying

full day of work, then band practice...i'm seriously dying.

i have photos and funny video of after a giant fireworks malfunction from july 4th.

apparently that holiday is a big deal in the usa.

while waiting to leave

i want

i feel like i want to go out like this all the time.
with my face covered and my hair dirty.
but i can't because everyone will assume i'm out to cause harm.

blow up a building, steal something, or hurt someone.

why is there a stigma connected with people covering their faces?
why can't it be innocently not wanting to have my face open to everyone?

just a thought.

heading out

going down to wilmington to a birthday get together with my parents. they're going to be out of the country for my actual birthday next week, and my dad's birthday is tomorrow.

i guess it's a whole family picnic thing.

i just want to eat hot dogs and baked beans. i could give a shit about my birthday, i'm starving.

i play a lot of the sims

and i listen to a lot of versailles.

my night consists of

cherry coke

i clean varg's cage every monday after work. i also try to get him new toys every monday when i can afford to. he's really enjoying hinself.

my birthday's coming up next week. i bet a lot of people won't know when it is, since i changed the date on my facebook :)

let's see who my true friends are, and if my parents forget.

i was going to go out tonight, but i'd know how i'd feel...

onde os leitores meu Brasil vem?

Percebi hoje que eu estou começando a ficar leitores indiretos do Brasil. Eu também percebi que eu não conheço nenhum Português. Traduz Google é um salva-vidas. :) E eu só queria dizer oi e espero que para manter os leitores a voltar ... por algum motivo estranho. Talvez eu gosto da contagem de vista subindo. Talvez eu deva começar a escrever posts mais tangíveis, como eu costumava ... jajajajaja

for english readers:
::I realized today that i'm starting to get indirect readers from Brazil. I also realized that I don't know any Portuguese. Google Translate is a lifesaver. :) and i just wanted to say hi and hope to keep readers coming back...for some odd reason. Maybe I like the view count going up. Maybe I should start writing more tangible posts like I used to...jajajajaja::

maybe also I will do a post in Russian.

spiritual satanism and me, a review of my life

as i'm getting ready to teach children today, i am suddenly reminded that my life is so much different than when i was in college.
i don't feign interest in things that don't pertain to me anymore.
i smoke cigarettes now.
i have a job in my field. and i like to think i do well in it.
i'm not always out to drag people into my life, which has caused me less problems.
i'm not a 'christian'...

this might be something to be explained later, but honestly, i don't want to impose my beliefs on you, readers.
so don't let someone's religion course through your veins. don't force yourself to believe in something that's not right for you because other people won't like you otherwise. i'm much happier with my church of 1.

i put off making a mix cd til the last minute.

it's still awesome.

wait a minute.

does this blog make me look reclusive??

oh my roommates are awake.

it doesn't hurt anymore

i spend a lot of time on the computer.

i don't dislike my life. i rather enjoy it.

i specifically do one major thing daily. i get stressed easily so things like this that control my intake of outside opinions and emotions really do well for me. my one thing daily is usually work. on days where i don't work, my one thing daily usually consists of a drive to my boyfriend's house (45 minute drive) or maybe a specific errand i have to run, or band practice.

things like this, scheduling and then relaxing for the rest unless there's something dire to be addressed, these things keep me in a complacent mood.

to find you, a song over and over

and i'll continue to play it until you come home.
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today was a good day for me. yesterday i went to bed at 7am. i woke up at about 1pm today, drove to work, had a good work day, came home, cleaned my rat's cage. his name is varg. i posted a photo.

anyway, there's not much else. i stayed in. i wanted to go out. a part of me was saying "just get out of the house...just have a drink with strangers and come back home. be social or something. maybe go buy your boyfriend a birthday present for tomorrow..."

but the other part of me was like "don't bother." so i didn't bother. I am staying in. chain smoking and re-downloading some games. listening to music i haven't listened to in a long time. i feel very content, actually. i'm glad i didn't leave my room tonight.

it's his birthday tomorrow and i didn't get anything for him. he says it's ok, but i can't help but feel guilty. what is it with holidays and predetermined guilt? "get this person a present, or they'll think you don't like them."

and, of course, "it's the thought that counts"

i think about people all the time. about how much better my life would be without them. or how much worse. how socially dependent and yet still indifferent i am about my friends and family. i'm not sure anymore.

holiday presents bother me. how am i supposed to know what people need or want? if i ask, it makes me seem heartless, but if i don't and get them something, what if it's not wanted? that's almost as bad as not getting anything in the first place...god forbid.

please don't get me anything for my birthday. i promise i won't be mad.

he's my only friend lately

brown recluse

do people still use this? it's me again...boring me.

i have an insomnia problem lately. for the past week there have been days where I don't sleep at all, or very little. I have work in the morning, more piano and voice students, but can't seem to get it together sleep-wise.

get it together.

there are so many updates i could talk about. i could talk about revelations, obstacles, overcoming those obstacles, personal fulfillment, social elusiveness, complete sobriety...

everyone loves a reformed sinner, right?
maybe i just want to be loved too, like those people in the photos when you buy frames. they all look so happy and laughing and smiling. or gazing into someone else. maybe they're gazing into me, wishing they had my life?

they're made of paper, joy.

i guess i'm getting tired, i'm being all introverted and over-thinking everything. my life isn't sad. I love it. I love being myself. maybe i just wish i wasn't more socially awkward as i progress through life.