rest in belly

Pudding was eaten by Liz's cat.

I feel sad, but she lived an awesome life.

Should I get a new hamster? I like them.

Liz says I should name one Jello.

Maybe I shouldn't pick such a delicious name.

every step is an echo

This semester went by quickly. It was slow when I was living it, but when I look back, it was so fast.

I'm at home now. We spent about 11 or 12 hours driving back in the blizzard. It was scary, and I slept through a few car wrecks around us, but a lot of prayers kept us safe. We made it at about 9:30 last night.

I wish I could have talked to Steve longer on the phone. I wish he was here so I wouldn't be so lonely.

Anyway, I have to go Christmas shopping soon. It's already the 15th, and I'm really behind.




these are my lonely faces. Love you, bye! -Joy

the permanent solution to a temporary problem

So I've really been kinda emo lately, sorry guys!

Things are a lot better, I made some important decisions, and now I feel like I'm going in a completely different direction...it feels good.

I've talked with my family and my professors, and withdrawing and taking a semester off is my decision. I feel like, this way, I can gain some real life experience (not that college wasn't a real life experience, but you know, its school.)

I have a place to stay. I have jobs lined up. I can do this.

In other news, I've developed a cold with a horrible cough. Haha, stress really does lower your immune system's abilities to keep you healthy. Buuut, the stress is waning. I'm happy right now.

Sorry for worrying everyone with my last post. I was experiencing a 'low point.' I really should go to the doctor for that (among other things.)

I'm excited to go home and relax. I'm also happy to start over and have a little second chance. I'm so grateful.

-<3 Joy

Fate

So, I'm doing horribly in Theory III.

I didn't get it when I came in there. I felt like it was all my fault because I'm stupid. It couldn't possibly be Dr. Lindstrom's fault.

So, mid-semester, he told me that I had to drop it. I signed the petition. He told me that it was pointless for me to continue going to class, considering I'm going to drop it and my petition will be passed. He told me it would be passed and everything will be alright.

Today my petition was declined.

I'm stuck with a final grade of F in Theory III.
I wanted to re-take it anyway, but now my GPA will suffer. I might lose my scholarships. They might put me on academic probation. I will make my parents very very upset with me. I am a burden and a disappointment to them.
I hate my life right now. I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up. I'm crying all the time. I hate myself and what I'm doing. I hate being here, I hate having to go to school. I hate the disappointment my life is to everyone, including myself.

I came here because it was expected of me to go to college. There was so much pressure to pick the right one and do well. Get a good job = going to college. If you're not a complete loser, you go to college. Maybe I was a loser, and this isn't my life. College may not be the right thing for me.
Do I really want a good job? No, right now I just want to die.

Is college really my thing? If I quit now, will I regret it? Yea, probably. What is more important to me? Being in college and making something of myself? or doing what I want and being free to make something of myself without a BA? Should I take a semester off? What do I do?

delirious

things to do today:
jubilee? apparently i'm missing a page....needs to be done before tomorrow if possible
work on old testament project today/tonight/whenever i can
recital practice whenever
lessons and carols practice at 5
play rehearsal at 630
alliance meeting at 9

things to do this week:
play rehearsal the rest of the week
important old testament project due tomorrow (present december 6th, i think)
recital tomorrow
ci movie thing friday
stupid dance this saturday
lessons and carols on sunday


god, i'm so booked and stuff is coming up everywhere. i've got a lot of shit to do...

thoughts before OT

Everyone has to do things they don't like.

Here counts day 3 of going to class and meetings...aaalllll of them...from 9 to 7 pm.

I have a play tonight.

fire on my feet

Today Dr. Lindstrom sent me an email about what my intentions are for a music major...



I don't really know what to tell him. I don't know.

I don't want to be a music teacher, I despise teaching. I hate theory. I like performing, and I seem to be good at it sometimes. I love practicing piano.

I had a talk with Nick the other day about what we think we're doing in college, and what we're supposedly getting out of it. Somehow I don't see that it's worth it anymore. What am I getting out of this? I'm stressed out everyday, I'm bored with content I don't care about. I'm growing to hate music because of the ridiculous amount of social heirarchy in our choirs.
I hate being in choirs where people come every day and don't learn a single note, while I look at music on my own time, and show up every once in a while and totally know my part. I hate choir, I hate theory. Should I really be a music major? If I change my major now, I'll lose my scholarships. I'm already almost finished with my requirements...but what the hell am I gonna do with a BA in music if I have no intention of teaching?
I feel so worthless now, I guess.
I don't want to be a burden on anyone, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I can't lose my scholarships. My parents and everyone worked so hard to get me here, and if anything were to happen, I would hate myself for letting them down...for letting myself down.
It's not a matter of if I can do it. I know I can do it, but it's just a matter of a reason I'm doing it. What if I'm wasting my time here?

nay nay

i'm so busy right now. i'm gonna make a list of things due this week.

1.) Brass and Choir Concert Tonight
2.) Script memorization due tonight
3.) Jubilee Paper due tomorrow done :)
4.) Humanities Dante project due tomorrow
5.) Piano pieces due Wednesday
6.) Study for Interpersonal test Wednesday
7.) Big Huge Theory exam due Friday

The theory exam is four part writing. has to be in a key with greater or equal to 5 sharps/flats ( i chose to start in C# major. ) has to have a lot of other stuff, including two modulations. I hope to modulate to F Major, then a minor key to complete the mode mixture requirement. I need to also have a pivot chord modulation, which i hope to use for the F Major key from C#...but I'm not sure how to do that exactly. I have to have a second Dom7 and a second LT7 chord (one of each, at least), a Neapolitan chord in the best inversion, both a PRIMARY and SECONDARY Augmented 6 chord. (which is the country chords, French German and Italian, and secondary means that they are the same chords of a different key...which is confusing but I will fit it in somehow...)

You know, I look at this and it doesn't seem like a huge thing. It will take all week, I'm sure. It has to make harmonic sense, of course, and I have to include a full analysis (cadences, roman numerals, non chord tones, etc.) but i really think that the analysis will take a longer amout of time than the actual composition. The roman numerals will be easy though, since I know what i'm writing in the first place.

Wow...that's a lot of typing for one assignment.

Anyway, the Jubilee paper is another challenge. It's about the Jubilee year of biblical times in which everyone was given food and shelter and freed of any challenge for one whole year. It's like a big weekend for everyone in which they're allowed all expenses paid for their life for that one year. Beforehand, to prepare for it, they grew a bunch of crops and stuff to feed everyone, obviously, but we also had to read about how we can apply the concept of the Jubilee year to modern times. I've never heard of such a thing, so I'm having a really difficult time applying something so foreign to my life...

Alongside that, I have Dante's inferno, in which we decided to create a children's storybook version of our own interpretation. Another thing, we have rehearsal for the play every night this week at 6:30.......it's bad because I have to go to the Brass and Choir concert tonight and I'm going to have to miss rehearsal....it sucks.
Wish me luck this week. I most likely won't be able to form complete sentences by friday night. <3 Joy

waltz for zizi

second soprano practice at 3 today...piano room...


blar.


anyway, things are ok. everyone have a good day! <3 joy

a long way

just got in from a bike ride on spadra. a nice long, slow one. i don't know what's wrong with me lately. i feel like such a waste. i wouldn't call this feeling depressed, but i don't know. i've been getting sick more often. i'm scared to go to the doctor because i dont want my parents to have to pay for it. what if i have to have surgery for my cysts? i couldn't ask anyone to do anything for me. i just don't want to be a burden...which i'm being already. i hate this situation. so i took a bike ride to try and think of my priorities.

family
school
health

it sucks that i'm not doing anything helpful to these. i'm just here. at ozarks. doing the everyday thing. am i built for college? do i deserve this? how far am i pulling my family in order to stay here? how much of a waste or disappointment am I to them? i started this year with such high hopes, such eloquent journals. i can't use big words and false smiles to make everything seem like it's going to be ok anymore. i haven't been myself lately, and i miss the intelligent writing i did in high school.

i'm starting to think that high school really was the climax of my life. it's not going to get any better. i'm not going to get any smarter or more motivated. what can i do?

funky fresh, dressed to impress, ready to study

I got a new car!






.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.


.
.
.




.
.
.





haha, it's got sweet Cars and Hello Kitty decals, and the gas mileage is amazing!
I think I need an oil change, though....and maybe a front-end alignment...lol

Speaking of alignment, last night we went to see Saw 4 and got a flat tire in Liz's car! I wasn't scared except for the fact that we had to stop next to this giant forest-like expanse...that creeped me out.
Thank God for Nick, Eagle Scouts really CAN do everything! Poor Liz though, she looked freaked out. I haven't seen her yet today, so I'm sure she's fine by now.

Anyway, tomorrow my other sister is having a birthday. I want to do something really really special for her...so I will. enough about that. ;)

By the way, got my grades in!

CI - A

Choir - A

Old Testament - B (awesome! :D )

Humanities - C+

Theory III - C+ (omg....rly!? yea, rly)

Interpersonal Comm - D (...:/ this is so disappointing, considering this is my easiest class. I had a meeting with Cater, and because I was sick I'm allowed to do some extra assignments to bring up my grade.)

Piano - B

University Ringers - Don't recall (Don't have my midterm in front of me...)

and that's it! I am on my way upward with Interpersonal and Theory, so things are getting better. I'm still meeting my GPA by a bit, so I'm ok.
Thinking about applying for another scholarship.

In other news, our second read-through for the play is tonight. I want to be done in time for the organ concert. I love this play, though, "The Owl and the Pussycat." I'm playing barbara streisand- I mean, Doris...an immature, surly, swearing prostitute...wow! I'm really shocked they gave me such a big part with my crummy abilities.

well, anyway, ganbatte everyone, have a great week! <3 Joy

1000 words

Today is alright. My Old Testament class was cancelled, but we're talking about the beginning of Exodus, so it's OK. I know a lot about that, and I know I'll be learning a lot more. I learn a heck of a lot in Old Testament...the work is difficult at times, but it's one of my favourite classes.

Also, choir was cancelled today, which is a nice break. I don't really like to sing, and I hate the social hierarchy of that class...it just makes me kind of sick, but it's nothing I can't deal with. It's not new.

Anyway, this weekend is parent's weekend. I need to scrape up some money to make that lion costume and bake cookies...dang. I also have to buy a metronome soon...argh.

Theory midterm tomorrow, its hymn analysis, and a mouthful. I'm going to have a little challenge with it, but I do expect a headache.

I'm in a mellow mood. Kind of melancholy, but calm. Have a good day everyone!

i can't get no..

satisfaction...yet i got it tonight.

i learned the first two pages of mozart's sonata k545...i'm so proud of myself. i'll refine it tomorrow, but i think i really am coming along well.

also think i did smashingly on my humanities test today. YAY Socrates!

I feel good right now, but there's only more work to do for tomorrow. there's always going to be more work, but that's ok for now. i forget.

haha, have a great night everyone - joy

PHONE

THE PHONE IN OUR ROOM IS FIXED

1 479 979 2695

statistics

i posted the most last september
but this year there are more total posts.

its already october...this year is flying by and it's kind of overwhelming.

and here I am, back from my first class, eating chex mix and drinking coffee (president's office)

i have to practice piano for this week's seminar. i feel inadequate compared to everyone else.
i wish she would give me a technical beginner's book instead of just pushing me to do schubert or mozart right off. just a thought...

my 10 was cancelled today, but it's my favourite class of all, so i have kind of mixed feelings over not being there.

anyway, going to get more coffee, hopefully there are a few donuts left. I don't feel like eating a lot, but i do like donuts...:)

good day everyone! <3 love you! -Joy

step by step, baby be yourself

I left my ipod at steves so now i'm without it walking around between classes.

i have choir at noon, then humanities at 230 today. then i'm done for the day.

the double shot i just drank tasted kind of sour.

begh.

anyway, i have to rehearse for the piano seminar next week. i have to play the first page of my sonata. it sucks, i need more practice time :(

I have two one page papers due by 230 for humanities. i can do it, its not a big deal.
i somehow have to get my other papers to dr cater tomorrow. menial work, and it will be done in seconds.

last night i did TV and got to press the big bad record button, as well as put in the commercials for the variety show. i was supposed to do teleprompter, but i had to go to a ci meeting. boo. oh well, next time i wont have any conflicts.

wish me luck, today after i do my work i'm going to put all my stuff in a binder. it will be nice and neat. <3 joy

a new day is coming

and i'm not scared.

here I am in my room, sitting and relaxing because Theory III was cancelled today. i'm going to do my practice and hymn analysis later today, but right now I'm relaxing. It's so nice to have a paper finished.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS!

Pudding is still alive!!! XD I had to put her in my closet for filming Dorms, but she's fine. I fed her and cleaned out her stuff today. That's one less thing on the list of things to do.

here's what i've completed:

• 3 page humanities essay (on "Hermes with Infant Dionysus" by Praxiteles. WOW, i learned a lot about this piece.)
• old testament test (BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT) I GOT AN A ON MY FIRST TEST! WOO HOO!!!!!
• Cleaned up Pudding and fed her.

Here is what i still need to do today/tonight:

1. Theory III hymn analysis (3)
2. Piano: practice my sonata
3. Interpersonal Comm study and rewriting. Menial stuff
4. GO TO THE BANK!!! arrrrgh!
5. call dad after I go to the bank.

Things I have to prepare for upcoming dates:

• Sonata for next piano seminar (next thursday)
• Theory III practice for sight singing/reading/playing/whatever. I have to look over what exactly he wants us to do for the next aural skills class...

aaah i feel good, but busy.

busy as hell

things i need to do tonight:

1. feed pudding
2. old testament workbooks
3. interpersonal chapter assesments (2)
4. humanities greek art essay
5. fold laundry
6. remind myself to go to the bank asap tomorrow

by the way, go to the bank asap tomorrow... :/ i have that nice broke, busted, disgusted feeling.

smeared

Hey, everyone. I know it's been a while since I've gotten in touch with anyone. I'm sorry.
I've said, "things are busy" all too much, I know, but it's the 100% truth. Out of 100%

So, I'd like to give you a short update, since I have an hour before my next class. This is rare for me.

1.) I'm the vice president of Fortissimo. This is a big deal to me! I feel so honored, and I don't want to let anyone down.
2.) New membership to the art club, which I already feel I'm neglecting because I missed an event...Sorry.
3.) Hopefully doing the TV show this year. They have a variety show, which is undoubtedly right up my alley. I tried the radio thing and that didn't work, but I really want to have a foot in the communications department, since it is my minor after all.
4.) Am doing Bell Choir instead of Chamber Singers this year. I'm really happy with my decision, considering I'm more of an instrumentalist anyway.
5.) CI peer mentoring is going splendidly. We're going to have dinner at Dr. Gorman's house soon, and we won a free movie night. I want to see Across the Universe.
6.) Am feeling more artsy lately. Been doing lots of drawing and 'painting,' which is comical to me, considering I don't own any paints, and use make up and random inks and substances found around my room to create color. I don't even have any crayons, but I am definately not complaining. Painting/embroidery is taking a back seat to everything else anyway, I just do it to stay sane.
7.) Humanities is one of my new favourite courses. Old testament is the challenge this year, but I do like it. It's more of a theory class rather than a historical viewpoint class, which I didn't expect. I feel it's a good course, just the right amount of challenge.
8.) The phone in my room has been broken for a long while, and because of this, I had my CI people and the club people call my phone a lot, which is now out of minutes and pretty much dead. I really want my room phone fixed soon so I can recieve calls from my family and not have to spend so much money on my cell phone...
9.) Pudding is doing great and is healthy. She has a new friend named Sweet Pea, a la Miranda. (Miranda is also well.)

10.) Life is good and I'm happy and exhausted, but still happy.

if only i called

hi everyone, i've been really busy lately,
with orientation and moving in freshmen,
talking to my friends,
moving my own stuff,
self-motivation and discipline development (for myself, as well as the freshmen i'm working with)
and i've been running back and forth between king and the library, making sure computers are being checked out.

and technically, we haven't started the 'orientation' big deal yet. this is only the first day. i really feel myself being more inspired and accomplishing more! i'm so happy and lucky to have great friends.

i'd use this time to crab about people who are....nevermind, i'm in too good a mood to point them out again today. LOVE YOU ALL!
-joy

Real Face

Sooo I spent a lot of time with Carrie this week, and I feel good about it.

I just got finished eating, now I'm bothering my friends on MSN because I'm a little lonely.

I feel like sleeping on my keyboard.

Two more days and I can do that in my room at Ozarks. I'm excited...but why can't I stop crying? -jo

tears

Suddenly I've never been so sad.

This is what I get for remembering...

I just want to be alone. I don't want to be asked "Are you crying?" I'm not ashamed to admit I've been crying, but I'd rather just not talk about it.

I'm sorry. I promise I'll be better by tomorrow.

useless

So...Today I have to make a site for one of my Dad's friends....

I'm really worried because I don't know if he just wants a Youtube page or a specialized site!

I could make any kind of site he wanted, but still I would be using my email address to access it, so if he wanted to edit anything himself, depending on the site, I would have to change the email, and it's a big deal and I've worked for clients before, but I really don't know what they want this time around...
It's stressful, I hope I can pull it off...

baaaaaaah....i have to have it done by tonight, too...


EDIT: this is what i came up with, considering I don't have frontpage...
http://buttonboxjohn.blogspot.com/

phew...its simple, i hope it works...

it's hilarious!

Getting in the mood to go back to Arkansas...



this is the fruit of my mood.

bada-bada-music!

Things have been...slow...

Turns out I'm not going out today with my friends, they have to work. That's fine, I will find something to do.
I've been cooking a WHOLE LOT recently. Yesterday I made chicken and rice and another peach cobbler with Carrie. It was fun! and I learned (revised) how to make eggs and bacon with Dad one night. I really love breakfast food!

Aaaah, I woke up before noon.....20 minutes before noon...I feel so lazy! I even went to bed at midnight! (that's early for me) and guess what, I STILL slept in! boo....oh well, I'll go to bed increasingly earlier. I have to for school. I MUST!

Also I want to have a small 'going away' party with my friends, so I have to ask my parents if they can come over sometime next week...I really want to see them before I leave!

LOVE "Y'all" XD -Joy

Somehow, we're looking at the same stars.

OHAYO! I woke up before noon!!! XD I feel so accomplished!

Also I got to drive Carrie home from the doctor and go to Jewel for her. I feel so good helping, and a bit more independent. I HAVE MY DRIVERS LICENSE!

I don't remember if I posted that here...I must have posted it everywhere but here.

ANYWAY I just feel great today. I don't know what it is, besides the fact that my ovaries have made me sick for the past 3 days, I feel good! I took some ibuprofen today (after much self-combatting) even though I dislike taking medication for anything...maybe that's why I feel so good~!

okie, I love you all, (waves) Hi Daddy, have a good day! <3 Joy

This is what I did today.

I cried because I tried to play Final Fantasy 9 and my third disc is scratched...



I'm still sad, and it's been the whole day...-_-;;

young and fabulous bum

Carrie just went to work, but I'm not alone because I'm on MSN, chatting with friends.

I read a few of my old entries, which are so very interesting. My life is so boring right now, I'll soon be talking about lots of things regarding 'back-to-school' events...Things about wanting to dance in the Ozarks fountain and asking Dr. Lindy to play harpsichord.

I want to practice so badly...I play on a very out of tune piano that's full of spiders. I'd clean it out, but the top doesn't come off, and I'm scared to be bitten. It costs $10 for 30 minutes at the music store to rent a studio, including upright piano, but I don't have any money, and I don't have the heart to ask my parents.

One thing I do want is to go see Guys and Dolls, which will be running its final performances this weekend. I'll just have to walk down the street, but I don't want to walk at night so I might ask Brian to take me.

I want to do something with my life. I'll film that music video thing now. -Jo

noni noni

It's been rather busy around here lately.
Today I went to a farm with my Dad and Stepmum, Carrie. It was a lot of fun!
I also helped Carrie bake a peach cobbler, which is easy, so I'm going to make it when I get to college! I'm excited to start cooking, and not just in the kitchen, in all aspects.
I'm excited to be more academically responsible. I have classes this semester that let me get a leg up on my GPA, but I still have work to do, obviously. I want to do more creative photography. (sorry there are so many...)



LOVE YOU ALL! <3Joy

at 10:30 am, 1988

i was born!

It's my birthday! I don't ever feel any older.
but meh, it's just any other day. I'm going to see Harry Potter (which all of my friends saw at midnight this morning)

I was so lucky, my boyfriend called me at midnight...just to be the first to say happy birthday to me ^.^ It's kind of bad that he wasn't the first one, the first to say happy birthday was Daniel, but it was so sweeeet to call me. Thank you!

in other news...there is no other news. (scuttles away) <3 <3 <3 Joy

hrm

I don't know what's wrong with me lately.

I'm depressed and tired.

I hate my birthday.

moving on.

I'm at mom's right now, sorting and moving stuff to bring back to Dad's.
and I finally stopped playing our song, when I realized I was dancing alone.

this time she won't understand

we're all ruled by secrecy, aren't we? it's what makes us keep going, the fact that there's always something outside our minds that is unknown. i love the feeling that i can simply think about all that is unknown to me in the world and just...imagine...stretch my brain...think of what answers are left to find.

and i guess that's it. what would i have done if things had turned out differently? would have i thought differently about certain things? would i have gone to ISU and played trumpet? would I have stayed home longer? would I have gotten sick and died? naah, nobody knows, but it's always fun to wonder.

love to you all, <3 Joy

this is not a bruise from falling for you

。+.(♥´∀｀♥)゜+ (´◕ฺω◕ฺ｀)ﾜﾗ

I'm in Arkansas right now, sorry that I haven't posted lately...<<;; I've been busy with going here and there and doing stuff. I want to see Ricki tomorrow to give her her birthday presents!! DX its taking so long...


love to you all, God bless! ;3 Joujou

hey, good lookin'....

and this is what i have cookin! GYOZAAAA!!!

not really my picture, but I don't have a camera, and Mrs. Yong wanted pictures...so here it is. ;P

well, today I'm cooking dinner! YUS! and also I got my permit for driving (for the second time, but it took, like, 10 minutes)

I passed the written test and I only missed one (the bus question...i chose to kill all the children...horrible, i know) so if all goes well, i'll have my license soon!! *.*

and nick will be here in a few days, so that will be fun~! I need all my friends to come up to j-town and hang out.

i also got in touch with Hot topic, and i have a really really good feeling about the beginning of july! good luck with everything, everyone. this summer is for work! <3and this is me, a la webcam. <3

the amatuer monster

aaah soo, here we are.

I had cereal this morning...again attempting to wake up at 8...hitting snooze seventeen times....and waking up with a shudder exactly at noon...bah. stupid.

anyway, I've been thinking lately...surprising, huh?
Well, not of anything pressing or important, just that I want to play the new Pokemon game....


yea.


i'm a nerd.


anyway, well, there's the Diamond version and the Pearl version. I don't know which one i'd get, but its for the DS and it even enables wifi voice chat!! which is amazing for the DS, I thought the mic was only good for harassing puppies on Nintendogs! XD
So its either that, or buy the newest Final Fantasy game...which i heard sucked plot-wise, but I'm a real sucker for impressive graphics...

woo...shiney....curaga...

aaah i have to sneeze, i'll (DONE) talk to you soon.

aah, excuse me. <3 Joy

words that we couldn't say

It's fun being home alone most of the time. I can sleep in, I can eat what I want and when. (And if I don't feel like eating, I don't have to.) I can play music at my own leisure without anyone listening 'over my shoulder' so to speak. I can clean at my own pace.

But on a day like today...its very depressing. I know, a million times, I know I need a job. I WANT a job, for pete's sake. That's one of the biggest reasons to move to Joliet in the first place.

So here I am. This is what I'm doing now. Nothing. And you know what? I'm not ashamed or anything of sitting at home and relaxing my life away. I will get a job, there's no doubt about that, but I'm not at said job today.

Anyway...onto a new topic. The weather is good. That is the most stupid, menial thing I've ever typed in here. Taha.

The CONGA drums! la la la (shuffles in seat to music)

I painted my nails for the first time since I left Ozarks. they look really cool, they're orange with a 'tropical' coloured glitter. makes me happy to look at them.

Africa.
Mexico.
Sicily.
Tijuana.
...Let's kick the beat.
(insert alto sax solo here and trumpet alternating improv'd duet here)

aaaah i'm going to clean and pack up my stuff today. <3 Joy

my own mattress!! yay!

I'm at dad's right now...boy am I happy.

oi i saw aubrey, and she's getting SO big! She's walking and forming words "just like she's a littler person!" XD her grandpa is funny...

anyway, i'm a little bit upset considering i'm waiting up here to talk and blablablablablablablabla...

shake moment.

see ya around, babes. <3 Joy

~Hi Ya Ya Ya~

DBSK.....(laughs)

there's nothing like K-pop to put me in a peppy mood. I know when mom gets home the mood will be completely different, but right now I feel great!! yesterday, playing 'laggy-mcgee' and watching blackbeard with jess was awesome good fun...life is good.

I'm still waiting for HT to call me...(crosses fingers) I really really want this, but if its not in the cards, I plan on applying at Guitar Center and playing their lovely electric pianos, guitars, and bongos all day...AAALLLL DAAAAAY!!
...yes I know there will be work involved...teehee...you understand what I mean.

I miss my friends, and not just my Ozarks friends. I've been back home for...iunno, more than a week, and I haven't seen a lot of them because I've been in the house without means of transportation. It will work out.

I have to see Jessica and her baby soon, too...dang.

the more i think about it, there's SOOOO much left to do. I can't even remember half of it. I'm really not even trying to remember it right now. I'm just in good mood! I woke up before 3pm (at noon) and had a horrible cup of coffee, and I'm feeling great! It sounds really stupid, but my newest goal is to start waking up earlier so I don't sleep my life away...such a problem, right?

...heh.
so anyway, I'm getting back into Miyavi and Dir en grey. For a while I haven't been listening to them, but I'm starting to get back into them....like i said....broken record syndrome.

aaaah I'm going to do the dishes or something, ciao angiolettos!~~ <3 Joy

A, B, AB, O, or C6H12O6?

C6H12O6

Let's hope I'm still good at biology...teehee. hopefully this works, I miss my skills.

Anyway, still waiting for the people at my *hopefully* new job call me! I'm so excited to start working!

It's lovely to sit around and not do anything, but I'm broke as a young, fabulous bum.

I'm going to do some art modeling soon, so that won't bring in any money, but at least it will get me up and dressed. (Thank God)

So anyway, I'll get back to this soon. I've kind of fallen behind.

LIST OF THINGS TO DO:
1.)finish and mail off my thank you letters
2.)pack my things
3.)check and re-check my packed things
4.)finish some song writing!!!

I've started, like, 4 songs, and i still have to finish them! I can do it!

>o<

love you, <3 Joy

look me straight in my eyes.

"Now..
now it hurts in the worst way
now that you're gone.
it's so wrong.."

~~
you guys, I've been keeping this blog through lots of things that have happened to me. I read my old journals (the paper ones) today again, thinking "I've been through seemingly nothing compared to this year."
It's true, I'm the kind of person that doesn't feel sympathy/empathy easily because i have the golden statement to fall back upon, "It isn't happening to me, it has nothing to do with me, so there's no reason for me to be sad or angry."

But I am angry.

(long-winded paragraph omitted)

you never know what you have until its gone. I learned this very well after Daniel left...and now it's a lesson that stays with me. I'm learning to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life. Yea, it sounds cheesy and very 'time life' but its the truth.

So i thank you for all the hard times you've put me through. Thank you. God bless you. I'm going to start my life now.

~~~
"Here's to the friends that were alibis."

Final post before summer

This is the last post I'll be making from U of O.

Final Post. Wowee wow.

Insert climactic musical overtones here.

Aaaaaand I'm done.

We could lose, we could fail.

So summer is coming rapidly. Because of all the work I have to do, it's hard for me to find time to think about "Who's address do I need? Who do I need to talk to still about staying in contact?" It's difficult, I don't want to leave anyone behind and forget.

That reminds me, I have to wash my choir dress....ewwww, still haven't done that!!

Well, anyway, tonight is the student showcase concert and Welcome to Friday will be making an acoustic appearance. Wish us luck, its just two of us with guitars.

I'm going to miss everyone, but I am going to see my friends back home! and I'm going back home with my family! I miss them a lot too!

Gosh, it's complicated.

My Recital.

See? I learn stuff.

Something Special for YOU

Something way strange happened today.



So we went to waffle house after the Midnight to Twelve concert on campus, and they were totally shooting a reality tv show, following this group of 17 people around. It was crazy, they were all tattooed peoples, it was freaky.

Now that I think about it, I'm too tired to say anything else. I'm expecting a call, too.

dang.

A Short History Lesson

So, today I'm going to tell you a little about Albert Einstein.

He is the single most respected "genius" ever. Hell, anytime anyone even mentions the word "genius," they instantly think, "Einstein."

That's all well and good, but at the beginning of this semester, I watched a film about his life. WOW was I shocked!
He was not only lazy and mischevious when it came to his academic life, he was an adulturer and participated in an incestious relationship with his cousin. Holy cow, right?

This goes to show I can still succeed. I still have a chance even though I am, at times, lazy and random. But hey! I can do it, hell, Einstein did!

Lie Buried With a Vengance

This Saint is taking a nap. How cute.

So as you can expect, I've been hearing a lot about this college shooting thing. Not a lot, not like September 11th, but still, it's getting there.

The only connection I have to this is that it happened in a college, and I'm in college. I'm fine. I'm safe. Yea.

Am I heartless? Probably. I just am too busy to be worrying about this kind of stuff. I had to supply a booth with baked goods this morning, do a music lit test, sing in a choir that I happen to loathe, compile everything I've been doing in piano lessons for the whole year, practice my prelude, study for and complete a music theory test, go to another choir that I hate, and that's it for today. This doesn't include meals, which I've not had any yet today. It's not that I care, it's just something like, "oh...I didn't have any meals today...wow, funny."

Around 30 people died and I think it's funny that I skipped meals.
What is my problem?

Keep my casket closed.

Hey everyone! For news, let's see, there's nothing really new going on right now. I'm suffering a little from lack of breakfast. I haven't had it recently, so today I'm going to go again. I have piano...theory...and am working on band stuff a lot recently. I feel like learning stuff and i'm learning things in minutes. It's really working out for me. ^_^ <3

So here are some things that have been going though my head. I went to a concert and hung out with two of the bands! it was awesome!!! So now Escape the Fate is one of my favourite bands. yay. I even got them to sign my coat, along with the confession! yayaaa!

left to right>drummer>bryan(gt)>rodne(vo)>other gt>max(ba)

Max Green, the bassist. I don't know what 'Go to F' means...maybe he meant to write "go to hell" but chickened out because I look like a little kid.

Rodne the vocalist. He was so awesome on stage, but was rather quiet later. Guess he was tired.

This is the entire band of The Confession. They were cool, but the guitarist wore a goofy cowboy hat which was kind of weird...He also had a Miyavi styled guitar which looked too small for his body...haah.


And now for some lyrics and stuff that is both mine and not mine. I put goofy little stuff around stuff that isn't mine. engorge.

~~~~~~~~~~

because I dont need to shout to be heard.

i don't need to get amazing grades to be smart

i make a black choir dress look like gucci

i make breakfast in the caf feel like breakfast at tiffany's

i make you smile no matter how bad any of us feels

i'm not intimidating, i'm elegant.

just a reminder.

i'm going to class now...

and it's like we're going to paris.

~::my hands turn to ashes::i smell gasoline::~

~::she loves the way that I tease::i love the way that she breathes::~

:i love the ones that love to hate because they're just like me:

Back to Normal

Things. Are. Awesome. I am happy.

I got to see my Grandma today, and also I don't have to do anything till 2~!! I'm excited, I can do laundry!!

So I'm going to do that now. Otherwise, I'm really good. The mean streak I got the other day is pretty much gone! I feel so much better, I just needed a few minutes to be crabby, you know?

It's a happy birthday indeed. ^_^

...this is a waste

I was all ready to share some incredibly insane insight with you, but it has slipped my mind...

Yep, I'm human, I don't butcher classical pieces with incorrect time signatures. If it sounds bad, you should just. not. play. it. Here I thought you were the almighty musician... What is wrong with you!?

I really don't know why I got upset when I heard this song in the incorrect time. Maybe because I can play the song, and maybe because I worked so hard to learn it from memory, but the point is still there.

Bottom Line: You should know better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, I listen to this.....really awful singer. I know, I'm not a singer, I have a hard time singing, I admit to being mediocre, and I can live with the fact that my voice will never be recorded as a profession, but again, seriously...I know what sounds bad. Why in the world did they record this!? It's out of tune, shaky, nasally! EW!
It's something about people who think that they're entitled. They chase for things they are so very underqualified for...

[favouritism.]

When they get them, I ask myself, "Why, God, why?"

Be like the rest of us, we may have delusions as well, but we keep them to ourselves. Unfortunately, when we 'lesser folks' make mistakes (and, my God, do we make them!) the entitled person is the first (sometimes only person) to snap their face over in disgust and sneer, quickly enough to be noticed by peers, but not by twisted leaders who already favor them...so even if they DID see, it's not like it would matter.

They are the best. We are scum. End Transmission.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world is dumb. I'm being an honest jerk, if you will.
The cool part about being myself, though, is that I don't have to make any big statements at all today. I don't have to sit in the middle of the lawn and proclaim anything at all. I don't have to tell anyone anything interesting or force someone to see that I'm smart by answering a question with lengths and lengths of unfathomable knowledge that, in actuality, nobody really listens to at all in the first place.
Wouldn't you be surprised at how much I absorb in a day? I just sit back and listen, and watch. It looks like I'm goofing off, but I'm observing you. I already know the material, so how are you going to prove yourself today, pray tell...

The cool part about being myself is I have no interest in proving anything. I'm here to work, to better myself, sure, but there are lines between what interests you pursue, whether it be your own self, or the interest of your public appearance, the interest of someone personally, the interest of the entire damn world, your parents, your friends, your God (if that's really what you say you pursue...)

Anyway, I guess I accidently made this post into a giant rant about how much I hate the world. Woopsie.
To be honest with you, I really don't care. I'm too tired to be depressed, and it takes a lot less energy to be pissed, especially me. I just sit alone most of my time these days, thinking about what pisses me off...kinda sad and stupid, but really, it's a minimal energy activity. I don't have to talk, listen, walk around, do ANYTHING! haha, I have a weird sense of logic today.

Thus ends my vomit o' hatred that showers the globe and all its denziens for today. This will be the last one for a while, considering I'm sick of being a overcritical adjective butcher.

Again, I don't write to please. I don't write to gain sugar-sweet, nice comments about my absolutely fabulous and stunning personality. If anything, I want to shock you. That's the truth. I'm done for today. Hope ya loved it, hope you ate it up and want seconds.

Some people have all the luck.

More Noise...Whatever.

Anyway, today I ate lunch, ate two lemon bars, and fell asleep through the last 3o minutes of Kung Fu Hustle. (I made it through the entire movie up till the end...haha)

I realize that, although I don't like to think of it in this way, this blog IS my 'intellectual' blog. I don't write the same way here as I would in my livejournal or on my myspace. It's not that I hide things in different places, which if it were the case, this would be my secret, but the point is I tend to be more of an adult through my writing here, rather than through the hot pink glittering layouts of my other blogs.

This one is definately more.......(sigh of disgust) grown up.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to be 19 in July. Then for a whole year, I'm going to be thinking about what it's like to be 20....TWENTY!! I'm getting so old! I still feel like I'm an eighth grader...haha!

I guess I'm not mature, I guess I'm annoying, too, but then again, I really don't try to be a grown up. It happens on accident.

Paradise: This is Our World.

Yet another 'intellectual vomit' from yours truly.
Anyway, today I'm going to tell you about paradise. Not to be confused with Paradise, the big, huge one most...let's call them 'entitled' people like to talk endlessly about, however, a simpler state of the place.

Paradise, the place I'm going to talk about, is anywhere. It's in any condition, any time of day, any temperature, any country. Again, it's anywhere.
It's the place where you are the most happy at the time, I think, rather I know.

For instance, today I felt like death warmed over. I thought my brain was slopping down my throat with the rest of the mucus of my entire body. (Yea, it was as bad as I describe...I'm not being dramatic.) I could NOT get out of bed for the life of me, really. Here it is, 2pm, and I'm finally up, but the point is, my dreams were my paradise today. I slept so soundly, and I felt absolutely nothing in my sleep. It was awesome.
I remember when I was younger, maybe my middle years in high school, my paradise was a constant place. I would sit on a red painted railing in our back yard, overlooking the field, and I would watch the sun set. Before the sun set, sometimes I would lay down in the grass and sleep. I would dream here. This was my paradise. It still is and I can't wait to go back.
When I was very small, about 3 or 4 years old, my Sister, my Dad and I developed the ever-magical 'Talking Room.' To this day, I think it was a magic place where we could have done anything. (Of course, the magic doesn't work as well for adults. If I were to go back, nothing would happen except nostalgia and I would probably be hit in the face with branches.) Although I don't remember all of the adventures we had in the Talking Room, it's a huge part of my childhood.

Anyway, the point of this boring, wordy thing is to show you that, although more 'entitled' people may tell you that you're not good enough, or sneer and look down on you, you still have your paradise, and it's most likely better suited to you than anyone else's paradise would ever be.

whether i'm right as rain, the rain simply keeps falling

AND NOW, a poem about a secret love! ooooooohhhh~~:

"It’s the truth that I now love you
It’s a shame I can’t tell anyone
But you know the clouds part
And the stars shine ever brightly
It’s simply a simple dream simply
Waiting for some kind of miracle
Under these bright burning stars
It’s simple
It seems we’re always searching
Or waiting for a star to fall
I don’t know whether to look up with dim eyes
Or to watch my feet shuffle in dirt
The dark is comforting to me
It’s a shame I can’t tell anyone
But this time the clouds part
And the stars shine ever brightly
Displaying public affection to the moon
Stars wink and kiss through light
It’s a dream, bound by my time
My time and my clouds cover the sky
The night is comforting me
It’s a shame I want to tell someone
But this time the clouds part
The warm sun dawns ever brightly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~The rest of this entry (*coughRANTcough*) was written under the influence of hypocrasy, rather, the influence of the hypocrasy of others. Everyone does it. Nobody's perfect, I'm sure as heck not, but there are those who proclaim to be. (Verbally or otherwise...I use the word 'proclaim,' because some CHARMING people really don't have to say that they are almighty...they stink of their ego.)

ANYWAY...this dirty, scrap of irrelevance is for you. Hope ya love it like McDonalds. Ba-da-ba-ba-baa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a completely yet not entirely different tone, it's one thing not to tell someone something...it's quite another to assume that they are stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another topic that is entirely besides the point, what is up with people making things and ASKING people to post on them and also just writing for comments!? what the heck? Whatever happened to writing just to write and inform? Who cares about your reader count or about what other people see about your writing? Screw that! XD

Bullets softer now, still we bleed.

So much for an intellectual blog, huh.

I feel good today, I woke up with a fever and a headache, but now I'm a-ok.

Our band, formerly known as Killing the Mood, now is called Welcome to Friday. We have a gig in exactly 1 month, on the first of May! I'm so excited, we have roughly 2.5 songs we're working on: Green, That Thing You Do, and one i wrote today which I haven't titled yet.

Things will be quiet soon.

The Book.

I must have thought a million times over on how to start a book. There's most likely a book somewhere in the world entitled, The Easy Way to Accomplish a Difficult Task, Unless You’re Already So Talented. I wouldn't really know, considering finding said book would require me to possibly go into a library. The smell of libraries makes me feel like I've lived in one, and suddenly I feel a lurch in my stomach, like there is a necessity to scratch my way out of the piles of old paper and leather documentations of the lives and fantasies of ordinary people. I can't really stand it, even when I'm working so very diligently on an assignment or an informative speech for one of my many uninteresting classes.

But, however, I am digressing.

The point of this introduction is to explain how many times I've actually tried to start a book, or even to just think up a good way to start a decent plot. I would be brushing my teeth, thinking about clever sentences that seem to defy their own meaning. I spit. I lose the idea or reform it, its luster escaping with the toothpaste down the drain. "I've used too many damn adjectives in my life." I think as I walk quickly to yet another class I'm tardy for. I drop a book or two. I lose the idea with the papers that were supposedly firm and safe within one of my textbooks. "Nothing is safe." What kind of beginning is that? Of course, one I made up while walking alone at night, scaring myself with memories of horror movies and my own overactive imagination. I am reminded of exotic, creative deaths and traps, and my steps become long strides as I rush back to the safety of the dormitories. I lose the idea once again.

So I dare to ask, "Why even write a book? What is the point?" I feel I have three thousand stories within my brain. I don't understand the process, but every once in a while, I will actually create a formidable beginning sentence. An idea will sprout from my mind like a dandelion stem, and smiling, yellow petals will spring forth, reaching outwardly into the deepest crevices of my imagination, covering my eyes, creeping out through my mouth, nose, and ears until my only sense is a dull touch with which I clumsily grasp for a pencil. In a feral fervor, I scratch down this sentence and stare for what seems like a very long amount of time, not quite equaling an eternity, but then again, it doesn't really matter anyway.

What matters is that I've finally got it.

One of my absolute best friends told me today: "It's ok to be sad. It's even ok to sob like a little baby for a long time. It's your body's way of not exploding."

I see and feel what he means, and his statement cheers me up a little.

I am devastated.

I can't tell you why, I can't go into detail because I don't think I'm allowed to share what little information I have, but I just wanted you to know, things have taken a grave turn for the worse.

A Historian's Lament

I wrote a really funny email tonight. I'm aware this is my third entry, but I'm not really caring right now. I'm feeling political.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reading this email, I assume that you and I hold a mutual understanding that college students are not very financially sound. This being said, I would like to state that, while I am responsible for my own finances, I am not required to cover any petty expenses stemming from my position as a choir member for the entertainment or general need of the entire group.

It is not really, truly, greatly important that this happens, but it would be most pleasant if there were an opportunity for me, as a menial yet working member of the Ozarks Chorale board, to be reimbursed (through the account of the choir) for the journals I bought for the documentation of the tour.

I purchased and distributed seven notebooks at approximately $1.68 USD each. The total is $11.76 USD, and if you so choose, (for simplicity's sake,) you have the option of compensating me a rounded figure of $11.00 USD.
I have a copy of the receipt if it is necessary for a transaction. Also, if needed, you may forward this email to anyone else who may hold authority over the budget of the choir.

Again, if it is unreasonable for me to give this sort of request, I shall respectfully back away and presume my purchase as a donation. Thank you for your time in reading this long-winded and digressive email, and I hope to hear from someone considering this humble matter as soon as possible.


Sincerely,

Joy Baron

Choices in our lives: White or Wheat?

So I walked to Fred's today. I just bought simple things like food and snacks. It took me forever to decide between white and wheat bread...I've never bought bread before.

The absolute strangest thing in my life occured on the way back. If you can imagine, I'm a little sweaty from the walk and my hair was unbrushed. I was wearing a pair of black capris with a black and white Dir en grey tee shirt. My flip flops are bright pink. Imagine how I must have looked.

I see someone walk in my direction, but I just keep walking with my grocery bag. He shouted out at me, an African American man wearing a tan "Chicago" jersey. I froze.

"Hey, girl, whas yo name?"
"...Pardon me?"
"My name's (I forgot), whas yo name?"
"...Joy."
"Are you married?" (referring to the silver ring on my left hand, which I really only wear there because that's the only finger it fits on.)
"No..."
"You gotta phone number or somethin I could hit u up at?"
"...actually, I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend."
"Aw, I'm sorry, girl, have a good day."
"You, too..."
and I walked away.

It was the first, and possibly the final time anyone has/will ever ask me for my phone number simply out of the blue. Strange people.

Fixed Impulses.

There's a defining line between correct and incorrect thought, apparently.

When added, the word 'apparently' makes it seem like I'm thinking in an incorrect sense, right?

Of course.

However, that's not really what this is about.

Choir Tour. I was placed on a tour bus with 35 other participants in the Chorale/Chamber Singers/Bell Ensemble. I thought it would be fun. I thought I would have a great time and get to bond with my friends.

I thought.........normally the word 'wrong' would go here, but that isn't entirely the case.

I was simply mildly disappointed. I was not entirely wrong per se.

I'm not going to go into detail, considering the thought that I, myself, was not in the best of moods the entire time I was sitting on that bus...or at the ranch...or while in performance...

Travelling for long distances brings out the worst in me, and that is all I shall say about it.

For the actual events that occured on the tour, we went to San Antonio to spend some time on the River Walk and see the Alamo before our performance about midway through the trip. That was about the highlight of the experience for me, considering until that point we lived as follows:
Sleep. Travel. Sing. Maybe Eat. Sing. Sleep. Travel. Sing.

So now, right now, I'm just listening to Malice Mizer. You have to hear some of this stuff, it's amazing. It's a real shame my ipod got stolen, otherwise I'd take MM with me to go walking or something today. The weather is absolutely gorgeous.

Now I'll depart. <3 Joy

Green Bird

Spring has come
Worms are showing their faces
Little birds are eating them. Spring has come
Children are going to school
Farm dogs are giving birth to puppies. Spring has come
Women are looking in mirrors
Egg pies are baking.

Choir Tour

So I just want to say I love you all, and I promise to be safe this week while I'm on choir tour. You probably won't hear from me, considering I won't have access to a computer to blog or anything.

Have a safe and happy spring break! You'll hear from me in a week! <3 Joy

So today was a GREAT day!! I got my tax forms finished! YAY! So now I can pick up my checks! My last one was for 15 dollars, since I haven't been working as much and I only have 1 tutee rather than 2. It's cool, I'm ok with it.

I miss Daniel, I only see him in passing nowadays. It's kind of sad.

Also, I'm really scared for my ipod. I'll explain more later.

I miss my family, but I feel I can work hard for them.

Have a great day everyone, I love you!

"However, it's always a hard promise, that I'm going to save you again, no matter what. I put my two hands together and prayed, for endless courage and wisdom. "

Gan. Gu. Ro. You're like-a super star!

So today was an AWESOME DAY!!! I woke up, took a shower, totally had time to do my hair and make up! (and i look a lot better now that I feel healthier! XD )

I spent the day watching MTV and I ate mac and cheese for lunch. I have no clue what I'm doing this afternoon, but if there's a movie in maclean, guess I'll probably go.

the other day I earned 3 hours of community service working as an usher for the Symphony that came to play at our campus. it was AWESOME!~~ I've only seen bands that were bigger than that, but really, it was an amazing experience to see and hear.

"step by step! everyday! i know i'll make it my way!"

It's Midnight at the Carnival.

I have finished my Mass Comm presentation.

I need to finish:
1.)Mass Comm 2 page evaluation paper. (85% complete)
2.)Music Lit worksheet (10% complete)
3.)Study for Mass Comm test (0%)
4.)Type notes for Pete (roughly 50%)
5.)Recover (-20%)

My fever is going off and on. Orange juice and tea really helps. Thanks Mom! <3 ;)

Anyway, now is a really great, prime time to be emo; However I really am glad. I'm so grateful to be able to complete my work. You don't know how satisfied I am.

Well, my break is over, back to work. <3 Joy

What's going on?

So because of the recent racisim that's been floating around the campus (blegh! BLEGH!!) we had a very important meeting with Dr. Niece today in the Chapel.

...and when I say 'we' I'm referring to the ENTIRE school, teachers, faculty, students, spiders, possums, you name it, and it was crammed in that chapel today.

It was important. I felt moved by the message, and disgusted at the fact that the person who made some racist notes ACTUALLY HAD THE GAUL to write them on stationery with a Psalm scripture printed on it!! UGH!!

This is awful! I can't believe someone would be so rude and disgusting. We're all the same species, for pete's sake!! If we can't love our neighbor, who can we love!?

Anyway, so also today there was a mini rally for unity outside the chapel. Miranda and I went together, they played a song and a few people spoke about what was going on and what should be done.

I'm pissed, however, the thing I can do is to make sure I'm a loving, caring person to my fellow man, and also make sure to report any kind of discrimination against race, country, language, sex, religion, preference, or age. I don't want to see people get hurt anymore!

'One bad apple spoils the whole bunch; However, one good apple is not enough to turn the basket.'

I can surely try.

OOoh by the way...

So FINALLY we get to see the Affectus music video! yay!

It's posted on my myspace, but you can click the link below to go see it.

Affectus: Angels in a House of Glass

Fever?

I think I had one last night. My head was really hot but the rest of me was freezing.

I feel better now, but my throat is still....BLAAARRGH.

I wonder what to do.

Shining Light

Today I was in the cafeteria...and I tripped on a chair leg and almost fell.

waah. i'm very clumsy.

I feel good though, i just needed a little rest.

haha, sleeping class! i love that class!

and I love all my readers, thanks a lot! <3 Joy

My Decision

I'm not moving to Smith.

There are more cons than pros, and I don't feel like it XP

spider bites

This morning I woke up and got dressed, and I felt weird on my foot. I looked, there's nothing, but it's a little itchy and it felt like there was a needle in my slipper.

There wasn't. I checked personally.

But I don't know, are there spiders in Arkansas? Could I have been bitten? or is it just some other reason?

***Ok, so I'm going to blog about something that I probably shouldn't say. Are you ready? oooh the drama!***

(sigh) I really don't like it when people personally wake me up. I don't. I really really don't.
I like to wake up on my own accord, really. I like to prepare to see people, and I don't like being seen when I first wake up...especially since I've been sick, I wake up and look disgusting. EWW~
So how matter much I love you, even if you're family, you know by now to NOT wake me up! ...unless it's an emergency, and then, don't get in my face, ok?
Over the phone is great, it's like I get an alarm and get to talk to someone at the same time, but if you come in my room and scare me awake...that isn't very good to me.
I'm not angry, it just annoys me a little.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other than that, I've still been thinking about moving. I still have to talk to Anna.

Here's a list of pro's and con's:

PROS:
~I get my own room, it's more private. I want to try living by myself once.
~It's a quiet, study friendly hall.
~It smells better and is cleaner than King.
~Oppourtunity to make new friends, and also will be on the same floor as Miranda, Kristina, Robyn, and in the same hall as Rei.

CONS:
~It would cost more to live there alone (they would charge extra, plus not being able to share certain expenses with your roommate..)
~Leaving Anna! I get my own room, but it might be lonely.
~Anna and I would be left without certain appliances considering certain ones belong to the other roommate. (microwave/tv/fridge/etc.) HOWEVER, the cooking appliances can be used in the dorm kitchens, so that's not really a big problem.
~I have to move my stuff/walk every day up three flights of stairs.
~I basically move into exile (into the 'convent')away from all my awesome King friends.

So I'm still not very sure. If I want to do this, I have to act quickly, so I have to talk to Anna ASAP.

Funny Bunny

Today the weather was really nice, so I ended up helping Kristina move her furniture around! It was rough on me, I didn't realize how out of shape I am! haha!

Also, 313 in Smith is....absolutely empty?

Do I want to move before next year? I don't know. I'm beginning to think that Smith is a better environment to keep me on task and things like that, but I don't want to be bored.

I'll consult Anna later.

This is Fox News at 6. You're missing the Simpsons.

So my watch revived. It tells time ON TIME now! wow, what a blessing, I don't have to buy a new watch! XD

so anyway, today I worked a lot. I went to all of my classes, and also did my tutoring like I was supposed to! yay!

I have homework! Music lit is ok, but theory...UGH

How is it that my music classes are making me hate music? It's gotten to the point where I feel sick just by thinking of stupid intervals and crap! I'm leagues behind, I know it...I have no idea how to do any of the work.

But anyway, doing Music lit homework makes me feel...accomplished! It's like history, which is really easy for me, but then again there's a lot of theory in it, like cadences (Which I have no idea concerning) or things like that. I don't know about those things at all, am I really supposed to be a music major?

Ah well, in other news, I got batteries for my camera. Don't get excited, I still have no way to get my pictures from my card to my computer...bah.

Well, I love you all, talk to you soon! <3 Joy

It finally died!

This morning at approximately 8:30AM, my plastic children's watch finally died.

I was expecting it, considering it was about 4 minutes slow, even if I set it properly, but yea, it died.

It's not just the batteries, either, considering it stopped working because I got it wet...whoops!

I'm surprised it survived this long, however, now I have to get a new children's watch...

Photograph

It's one month with Daniel today. I'm really happy!

I'm a little sad because I'm still sick, and also I dont know if I will be able to spend a lot of time with him today because I have church stuff/CI reunion later today.

Ah well, I'll work something out.

Everyone have a great day, enjoy the weather! <3>

today i saw a woman in the mirror.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know, the quality isn't very nice, but I took these with my camera phone, and also took some with my regular camera, but I need an upload mechanism/point!! urgh!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yea, it was a really nice day today.

Sometimes I wonder if my blog portrays me correctly. Sometimes I read blogs and they sound nothing like the real person writing them...why is this?

I try to write here the way I talk and think, but sometimes I like to fabricate and imagine, teehee.

Have a lovely day, everyone! love-Joy

The worst cold of my life!

and i have an important paper to organize and turn in today. Everything's written, i just have to put it all in a folder, get dressed, and drop it off.

blegh. my face and ears are clogged...i'm going to the nurse too today.

but anyway, i need to print out all my sources...ALL of them..Boo, and my printer is running out of ink so i might have to go to the library today before 330...blah

i've been incapacitated. and i hate it. <3 Joy

Lent Mass, Ash Wednesday 2007

I feel so good!

A Deep Sea Diver That's Swimming With a Raincoat [Ash Wednesday]

ARE YOU READY TO GET PUMPED!? For the Lent experience?

haha, I am. It's going to be difficult, but for Lent I've decided to give up chocolate. I've already given up pop and quit chewing my nails, so it was really hard to pick something that would give me a little feeling of sacrifice. Of course, like Amanda said yesterday, it really is only a millifraction of the sacrifice our Lord experienced.

In other words, I'm ready for Lent. I'm excited.

I also have a speech to write for tomorrow, and I'm a little worried. I don't know how I'm supposed to stretch my topic for six minutes, and I don't get really nervous but it looks like I am because I trip on my words sometimes....in actual conversation as well, so that sucks.

BUT ANYWAYYESSS, I'm going to get ready for class! Love you! -Joy

The Average American I am

So today was Comp 2 class, I have my paper about half way done. It's moving along better than I thought it would!

I had piano lessons, and Ms. Sheilds forgot to give me a practice report again. This makes me stress a little, but its not hard to make one and fill it out myself, so things will be fine. I now have 2 Bach solos to practice, as well as a 'polka' duet with mi primo, Brandon.

I have my make up music lit test today in about a half an hour. I'll be glad when it's over.

Today is an amazing day! the weather is so beautiful, i actually went out without a coat and was comfortable! God, thank you for this day! I really feel motivated now!

I realized something important today, as well.
...I can't do work outside of an office-like space...
My essay will be completed in the library, no doubt about it. It doesn't bother me, but really REALLY, i should have realized this in the beginning of this semester. This also explains what I did in high school: worked on papers completely at school, and never EVER took anything home.
Now I know to spend more time in the SSS, as well as get my lazy butt out of my chair and go there in the first place, otherwise I won't get anything done....

However, I digress...
Today is a beautiful day, but people just have been feeling bad, it seems. Poor Miranda had a death in her hometown, it was one of her good friends...God see that he reaches peace...

Anyway, I have to get studying. I have my inspiration back. Let's be praying today, ok? (I'm going to make time for my rosary.)
Love to you all! -Joy

Inward Scream 2007

So I went to see Dir en grey in concert in Houston!
It was the best concert experience of my life. I preordered their new album as well.

Ask me for details, because I've been talking about it all day and I don't really feel like typing it.
lala.

So anyway, i just had a cup of mint tea, my favourite! My shoulders feel like I've been to the gym!~

I feel so much better than depicted in my last entry. I haven't really regained all of my motivation, but I'm getting there and praying on it. I love you! -Joy

Why me? I'll tell you why!

Hey guys. I hate school.

Wow, I got to the point quick.

I realize that I've been lacking motivation lately. I hate not having motivation, I really do, but I don't know. I just absolutely loathe going to my classes lately.

Maybe it's the addition of work. Tutoring at the JLC is all well and good, but really, it makes me feel like there's JUST TOO MUCH going on.

I also have been thinking a lot of Music lately. Remember that one person I was talking about? How they intimidate me and make me feel like an idiot? Well, I don't know, I keep thinking, "I'll never be as good as this person. I'll never ever be as talented or desired. I don't even practice. What's wrong with me!?"

I feel like drawing more and more lately? Do I want to change my major? No, I really don't. I'll change my minor instead. Communications to Art sounds a hell of a lot better and more do-able.

I don't know, I just feel the pressure. Comp 2 is KILLING ME. Mass comm isn't killing me, but there's so much work to do and ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO COOPERATION! There's no possible way I can get this project done over a weekend with minimal help from a quarter of my group. I can't do this all by myself, and I'm not just talking about Mass Comm, i'm talking about everything!

I have a test in Music lit on Monday, after I barely passed the first one.
I have a comp paper I'm really really struggling to put together, in which I'm a little behind.
I have a six minute speech to write for thursday and I'm scared as hell.
I have my mass comm presentation on monday.
I have tutor crap. Enough said.
I have tax crap i had to do last week for payday, in which i'm behind.
I have choir tour coming up, that i have to plan for. (GAG)
I feel like my relationship with my roommate isn't as good as I'd like it to be...wah.
Music Theory. Enough said.
I have to talk to Dr. Gorman about changing my minor.
I have to get my ass over to the radio station on thursday 4pm for training FINALLY.

Man, why can't I be an art major and fingerpaint all day!? why can't I grow up and be an art teacher or something gay like that?
I want to embroider, but I can't because I have SO MUCH BLEEPING WORK TO DO!!!!!! ARG!

Hey, Jess...

Do you remember the Talking Room? And the skeleton?

Something Remembered.

I remember walking down a cold gravel path.

The river smelled so nice. It was either early spring or late autumn, and Mom had made me wear a sweater.
I chose my favourite one, a green hooded sweater that was made to make the wearer appear to be a cartoon dinosaur, complete with yellow spikes leading down from the hood to a short fabric tail. The singular, long pocket in the front was a convenient place to put hotwheels cars and snacks.

I walked down the path to the little stone house where Grandma Janda lived on our property. The river smell is in my mind as I write this.

I reached the wooden door and knocked. She would always give us these little boxes of raisons that I had with me all the time. Jessica would throw them into the yard; she didn't like them as I did.

I don't think I've had raisons since Grandma passed away. This isn't really on purpose, I just haven't had a reason to consume them.

It's just a memory. The weather today made me think of it.

You're not gonna believe this...

Just my luck, right? I woke up and my throat hurt so bad, and i have a horrible headache.

I feel hot, I'm going back to bed.

Henri

Henri, Cupid's assistant. I didn't know this little guy existed.
He's a short statured little guy with a large nose and a thin, curled mustache. His hair is parted on one side, and when I look at him, I'm reminded of a little Italian man. He carries a bow and quiver full of arrows, and from his hand dangles a heart on a string.
He's smiling with his eyes closed.
So am I.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I pray this day brings you as much happiness as I've experienced these past few weeks. I love you! - Joy

Decongestant

This is POST 100!! WOO!

Anyway, the weather's been really cruddy. I went to the nurse today and talked to her about a doctor and a dentist and she made some really good reccomendations.

She also gave me some medicine for my throat. It feels really bad now, hopefully it will improve. I'm supposed to take another decongestant later tonight.
blah.

now I'm going to walk to Fred's with Miranda. I have to call Grandma today.

-<3 Joy

Comp 2 Trouble...The Unfinished Symphony...

Franz Schubert's Unfinished Symphony has to be one of my favourite songs. It puts me at peace. Aaaaah~
I just thought I'd mention that, considering I just finished looking over Mass Comm chapter 5 (in depth...blah) and I feel a little jumpy. There's been so much work to do, and not a lot of time to do it.

Also I've been suffering from lack of...eh, what's the word...'academic inspiration.' Yea... I really wanted to talk to Dr. Gorman about it, but she's been busy lately as well, and I don't want to disturb her.

What's really bothering me lately is my Comp 2 class. I really like the subject of my paper, but I'm having a hard time organizing and getting motivated to do little assignments. (Such as putting together a simple bibliography or even a detailed outline...) I do these things anyway, but somehow I just can't bring myself to turn them in...I feel like a bit of a failure in that class right now, and I feel bad because I have a high respect for my professor, but you know...I just explained it...

Otherwise, my other classes are going rather well. My theory is going at a relatively steady pace, and I felt that I did well on my first Intro to Mass Comm test. (I love to write out essay questions.)Although my Music Literature test wasn't very impressive, I feel I'm absorbing more of the Renaissance music...Medieval killed me! X_x

Also I feel intimidated by one or two people in particular in my music courses...I'm kind of a baby, I know, but really...Every time they open their mouth I feel so stupid...wah.

But anyway, I really have to email Mom soon, and call Grandma. This wednesday I have the radio training that wasn't taken care of last week..BOO! Pray for me, it's going to be busy for a while!

Love, Joy.

Why I Love Children.

I pray I have one or two children that are this cute!

Amber Beads

So, today has been an ok day. I woke up later than I wanted, but that's alright. I feel like I've slept a bit of the day away...boo.

So I got up, prayed, prayed, got dressed, talked to friends, and I realized, "Wow, I feel so good."

Hey guys. Guess what. Life is good. -Joy

Upsetting

Well, I'm upset. Someone has been saying lies. SOMEONE! Grrrr, and it's really hurting my relationship.

It's one thing to like me, sure, that's cool, but don't tell other people that I've broken up with them, and don't tell me that they've broken up with me!!

Stupid drama...stupid boy.

Hrm.

EVERYTHING is going on now. It's confusing and tiring and BLAAA I feel like my brain has exploded.

Ar and I still have so much to do. I'm exhausted.

Nocturne

Today was pretty eventful, yet still tiring...I felt so exhausted earlier today, but going outside in the warm sun made me feel so much better. I went for a little shopping with Daniel and Miranda, which was great fun. We spent almost the whole day together, and I felt good.

I'm so grateful for good loving friends and my wonderful boyfriend...aaaaah i feel a happy sigh coming on...

Anyway, I realized today that when I really get into classical music, I conduct it. Openly. With my hand.

I'm such a nerd... :P

Haaaaauuuuh (it's a yawn)

Well, lately I've been really sleepy. Just a lot of work to think about/do/turn in.
It's a little stressful!

I finally secured a time slot on KUOZ! I'm so excited, I start training tomorrow at 4pm, and my show will air at 5pm on Thursday nights (around dinner time, so people can hear it in the cafeteria! they said this was a really smart idea, and I'm glad i thought of it...*beam*)

well, other than that, today is assessment day, and also there is a JLC tutor training thing today as well as Thursday. It's going to be a busy week...

OMG

Raven and Eddie KISSED!!! OMG!

Eddie and Raven, sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-i-n-g

H-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-p!

Well, anyway, today was good. I talked a lot to my family today! I'm actually in the process of writing letters to my fam + one of my friends who called me. (Love you, Kai kai!)

Right now i'm looking for a new little plush cell phone strap, as well as filling out an order for some stationery. I'm happy. ^-^

triangle

lately I'm obsessed with boy band style pop music...I don't know why, it just is good to walk to, you know?

So today I helped Nana move into maclean hall, which was an experience. I just met her today, so I helped her move. her boyfriend gave me a really nice gift...it was nice!

I hope to see more of them soon!

A real Snow Scene!

So today it snowed! I was so happy, it was so beautiful! We took pictures outside and I felt like it was a real family moment...haaaa~



Have a good day today, don't get too cold!

<3 Joy


PS: NO CHAMBER CHOIR!! YAAAAY!! my lazy wish has come true~ :P

uuuuh....

I forgot my O2jam name.......dang.

I tried so hard.

Good morning everyone.

I just thought that I should say that no matter how different people may be, we're not a different species. We may speak different languages and look differently, but we all have something great in common.

It's love.

Believe it or not, it's possible.

Love exists.

SNOW SCENE

So, you know, when someone tells you "Don't do it." are you more inclined to do it?

That's how I felt.

Today there's a sign on King Hall door saying, "Don't use this door, it's broken."

I smirk, and naturally I want to try it anyway...My key got stuck...x_x It's a good thing it could be opened from the inside and I could get my key without any serious complications.

This is the lesson: If there's a sign, there's probably a good reason behind it.
Instinct leads one to disregard rules and helpful advice...

Hey everyone, when you hear helpful information, don't disregard it, because it's probably a sign being given to you for a legit purpose, and you'll kick yourself later for being the idiot with her key stuck in a door..

Life is difficult. I choose to live happily ever after.

So lately I've been happy. Today I went to fred's to get a few little things like toothpaste and little things like that. I bought myself an ice cream. I smiled all the way home.
I feel good, but tired. Maybe it's because I sleep too much or not enough. I'm a bit hungry as well, so maybe I'll eat something before dinner time.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy. Really. That's it. Unadorned. Undecorated. Simply happy.

I've bitten my lip three times today. -Joy B.

Tired!

Aaaah, I'm really tired. I slept for a long time today!
Anyway, there was the lipsyncing contest tonight, I did well, but I guess the audience doesnt connect to japanese rock like I do...lol.

So, I am sleepy. I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Goodnight.

a box of new butterflies, from you to me with pink ribbon and everything.

I woke up early today. I fell back asleep for 17 minutes.
I'm afraid I'll miss something.
I woke up late one day. Everything I've known was demolished.
I'm afraid I missed something.

Then I woke up today, and there's a new hope and new life.

Positive thoughts sprout, green and young, stretching into my brain.
The roots are love, and they suck the moisture from my eyes.

Disney Three Six Five

Soo, remember when I was upset and depressed? Guess what. I feel multitudes better.

Midnight walks in freezing temperatures really are good for thought and happiness.

...Until you trip and hurt yourself! X_X aaah!

Love you all! Have a great night!~ <3 Joy

Bad Taste

Hey guys, it's been a while, I'm rather busy with school and working with the JLC recently, so I haven't really had time to post here...sorry.

I also have been going through some dumb issues where I cry a lot. This sucks.

So I got sick this morning and missed my first class. I hate this.



God help me get through this hard time, which i'm probably over-reacting about anyway..

I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away.

Hrm hrm hrm. Today is kind of a blah day. I didn't really sleep, but I don't feel tired, just a little bored. Nobody is around. School tomorrow, but today I have to work on Music Lit and also go to a meeting for Choir board...I dont really know why I have to be there...considering my job is to keep a blog about what we do in choir and draw a picture every day. mmmhmmm, I do like to be included though.

I don't know what's wrong with me today.

Emo quiz thing!

HA. HA. Ha. ha. heh...well...

I feel tired. Is it possible to be happy/relieved and depressed/crushed at the same time? Oh well, not a big deal.

Malaysian club meeting tonight! I wish it were just the club...but then again, it's kind of rude to exclude others...but still, the company...BAH.

So! Let me tell you about what happened to me in the airport. I went through special security, you know, explosives testing and everything. It wasn't a really big deal to me, I knew it was because I don't have my license or a state id, so it was understandable. Aaaaanyway, so -

- I really hate it when people come to my door and interrupt what I'm doing -

- anyway, continuing on, this lady who was kind of crabby took my boarding pass (the important document needed to get on the plane, that one) to verify it or something to that degree. She seemingly put everything back into my bag, and then I went to my gate. B10...the correct gate, absolutely correct. I was really nervous already, considering I've never been in the airport all alone before! You can imagine my frustration when I realized that my boarding pass was NOT in my purse at all. I had to walk all the way from B10 to the security check to retrieve it. "It's a good thing I noticed..." I thought as I briskly walked back, the thought of missing my plane a constant thorn of a fear, jabbing my brain as I strutted back through the luggiage weilding crowds. Unknowingly at the time, I passed the woman with my boarding pass...so when I finally reached the security office, they told me that my pass was with this short woman, who almost immediately popped up. "I was looking for your bear!" She said, referring to the bear I had placed in my carry on baggiage, who's head was popping up and out. Other than a small thank you, I silently took my pass and headed back to B10...where I took the plane and here I am.

Blahh, I am just so blah. I'm boring and stupid. -Joy

Back Home Again!

Ah, it's empty. (whistles)

Thoughts before 11.

So...it's 230am...I couldn't fall asleep if i tried. I leave...(looks at watch...counts) eh, in roughly 8.5 hours for the airport from my Dad's house. (This calculation is most likely wrong, but it's 230am...I don't really mind!)

I'm a bit nervous, considering I've not been in a busy airport alone before, and this horrible weather we're going to be having isn't going to help my nerves. God help me, I really don't want to get lost..in Midway, of all places.
But hey, I'll be at Grandma's tonight, then back at Ozarks tomorrow morning.

SIGH!!!

I was right when I said this break would go so quickly. I just started to relax, and then I had to pack my things! Aaargh, I still have to have my stuff mailed...again...

...sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh I forgot to call MC about Friday night...I feel terrible because I know how important it is to call someone when they're expecting you to do something...huhhh, I'm really sorry!

See you all soon, God bless. <3 Joy

Мой бог манит, и оно будет сделано.

"My God beckons, and it shall be done."

So lately I've really been feeling God's presence in my life. I've been praying, and I've been thinking a lot. I'm being serious.
Before I left, I had a conversation with some of my closest friends about religion. One of my friends said that she had heard of Saved Catholics.
Upon hearing this, I thought, "Hrm...aren't Catholics saved already?"
I'm not too sure about the rest of us, but for me, I started believing whole-heartedly that I wouldn't be saved unless I accepted Christ into my heart through prayer and devotion.

So I did, and I really couldn't be happier!
I'm still very much in tune with my upbringing as a Catholic (concerning the traditions and prayers); however, now I feel like my religion is actually a part of my life, rather than something I was just brought up knowing. I feel happy saying, "I am a Christian."

So anyway, just kind of telling you what's been going on lately. Last night my sister and I stayed up and watched the 10th kingdom and spent some time drawing. I found a brand new sketchbook in my files, so I'm going to be messing with that and drawing. Practice, practice, practice!
Speaking of, I did practice piano today! Aaah, it will be nice to practice on an in tune piano again! (melts)I also have my trumpet, so there's no reason not to practice that more often as well...;/ i can be loud at times...haha.

Well, I don't really have much else to report. I am most likely going to be playing pep band again soon. We sounded awesome last time, but I think I might have been a little too loud...enthusiasm!...haha!

Have a great day everyone! <3 Joy

freezing cold坊

Soo.......it's time for a smile!
Are you ready? (This is ridiculious.)
Can you feel it cracking slowly across your face? (This is childish.)
Ok, let's smile together! (We're smiling because I'm disgustingly silly!)

So, anyway, now that that is out of the way...I'm just sitting here at home, drinking hot tea. It's really really cold in here, like always. I noticed that i roughly have a week before I have to board a plane to go back to AR.

Man, it went quick, like I said, but I'm ready to get back to work in a sense.
I want to work hard and be optimistic!! XD

Tomorrow I'll be out with my family, so I will post again soon when I have something interesting to post.

THE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS REALLY SHOULD COMMENT MORE OFTEN :/ <3 <3 <3 Joy