things to do today:
jubilee? apparently i'm missing a page....needs to be done before tomorrow if possible
work on old testament project today/tonight/whenever i can
recital practice whenever
lessons and carols practice at 5
play rehearsal at 630
alliance meeting at 9
things to do this week:
play rehearsal the rest of the week
important old testament project due tomorrow (present december 6th, i think)
recital tomorrow
ci movie thing friday
stupid dance this saturday
lessons and carols on sunday
god, i'm so booked and stuff is coming up everywhere. i've got a lot of shit to do...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
thoughts before OT
Everyone has to do things they don't like.
Here counts day 3 of going to class and meetings...aaalllll of them...from 9 to 7 pm.
I have a play tonight.
Here counts day 3 of going to class and meetings...aaalllll of them...from 9 to 7 pm.
I have a play tonight.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
fire on my feet
Today Dr. Lindstrom sent me an email about what my intentions are for a music major...
I don't really know what to tell him. I don't know.
I don't want to be a music teacher, I despise teaching. I hate theory. I like performing, and I seem to be good at it sometimes. I love practicing piano.
I had a talk with Nick the other day about what we think we're doing in college, and what we're supposedly getting out of it. Somehow I don't see that it's worth it anymore. What am I getting out of this? I'm stressed out everyday, I'm bored with content I don't care about. I'm growing to hate music because of the ridiculous amount of social heirarchy in our choirs.
I hate being in choirs where people come every day and don't learn a single note, while I look at music on my own time, and show up every once in a while and totally know my part. I hate choir, I hate theory. Should I really be a music major? If I change my major now, I'll lose my scholarships. I'm already almost finished with my requirements...but what the hell am I gonna do with a BA in music if I have no intention of teaching?
I feel so worthless now, I guess.
I don't want to be a burden on anyone, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I can't lose my scholarships. My parents and everyone worked so hard to get me here, and if anything were to happen, I would hate myself for letting them down...for letting myself down.
It's not a matter of if I can do it. I know I can do it, but it's just a matter of a reason I'm doing it. What if I'm wasting my time here?
I don't really know what to tell him. I don't know.
I don't want to be a music teacher, I despise teaching. I hate theory. I like performing, and I seem to be good at it sometimes. I love practicing piano.
I had a talk with Nick the other day about what we think we're doing in college, and what we're supposedly getting out of it. Somehow I don't see that it's worth it anymore. What am I getting out of this? I'm stressed out everyday, I'm bored with content I don't care about. I'm growing to hate music because of the ridiculous amount of social heirarchy in our choirs.
I hate being in choirs where people come every day and don't learn a single note, while I look at music on my own time, and show up every once in a while and totally know my part. I hate choir, I hate theory. Should I really be a music major? If I change my major now, I'll lose my scholarships. I'm already almost finished with my requirements...but what the hell am I gonna do with a BA in music if I have no intention of teaching?
I feel so worthless now, I guess.
I don't want to be a burden on anyone, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I can't lose my scholarships. My parents and everyone worked so hard to get me here, and if anything were to happen, I would hate myself for letting them down...for letting myself down.
It's not a matter of if I can do it. I know I can do it, but it's just a matter of a reason I'm doing it. What if I'm wasting my time here?
Monday, November 12, 2007
nay nay
i'm so busy right now. i'm gonna make a list of things due this week.
1.) Brass and Choir Concert Tonight
2.) Script memorization due tonight
3.) Jubilee Paper due tomorrow done :)
4.) Humanities Dante project due tomorrow
5.) Piano pieces due Wednesday
6.) Study for Interpersonal test Wednesday
7.) Big Huge Theory exam due Friday
The theory exam is four part writing. has to be in a key with greater or equal to 5 sharps/flats ( i chose to start in C# major. ) has to have a lot of other stuff, including two modulations. I hope to modulate to F Major, then a minor key to complete the mode mixture requirement. I need to also have a pivot chord modulation, which i hope to use for the F Major key from C#...but I'm not sure how to do that exactly. I have to have a second Dom7 and a second LT7 chord (one of each, at least), a Neapolitan chord in the best inversion, both a PRIMARY and SECONDARY Augmented 6 chord. (which is the country chords, French German and Italian, and secondary means that they are the same chords of a different key...which is confusing but I will fit it in somehow...)
You know, I look at this and it doesn't seem like a huge thing. It will take all week, I'm sure. It has to make harmonic sense, of course, and I have to include a full analysis (cadences, roman numerals, non chord tones, etc.) but i really think that the analysis will take a longer amout of time than the actual composition. The roman numerals will be easy though, since I know what i'm writing in the first place.
Wow...that's a lot of typing for one assignment.
Anyway, the Jubilee paper is another challenge. It's about the Jubilee year of biblical times in which everyone was given food and shelter and freed of any challenge for one whole year. It's like a big weekend for everyone in which they're allowed all expenses paid for their life for that one year. Beforehand, to prepare for it, they grew a bunch of crops and stuff to feed everyone, obviously, but we also had to read about how we can apply the concept of the Jubilee year to modern times. I've never heard of such a thing, so I'm having a really difficult time applying something so foreign to my life...
Alongside that, I have Dante's inferno, in which we decided to create a children's storybook version of our own interpretation. Another thing, we have rehearsal for the play every night this week at 6:30.......it's bad because I have to go to the Brass and Choir concert tonight and I'm going to have to miss rehearsal....it sucks.
Wish me luck this week. I most likely won't be able to form complete sentences by friday night. <3 Joy
1.) Brass and Choir Concert Tonight
2.) Script memorization due tonight
3.)
4.) Humanities Dante project due tomorrow
5.) Piano pieces due Wednesday
6.) Study for Interpersonal test Wednesday
7.) Big Huge Theory exam due Friday
The theory exam is four part writing. has to be in a key with greater or equal to 5 sharps/flats ( i chose to start in C# major. ) has to have a lot of other stuff, including two modulations. I hope to modulate to F Major, then a minor key to complete the mode mixture requirement. I need to also have a pivot chord modulation, which i hope to use for the F Major key from C#...but I'm not sure how to do that exactly. I have to have a second Dom7 and a second LT7 chord (one of each, at least), a Neapolitan chord in the best inversion, both a PRIMARY and SECONDARY Augmented 6 chord. (which is the country chords, French German and Italian, and secondary means that they are the same chords of a different key...which is confusing but I will fit it in somehow...)
You know, I look at this and it doesn't seem like a huge thing. It will take all week, I'm sure. It has to make harmonic sense, of course, and I have to include a full analysis (cadences, roman numerals, non chord tones, etc.) but i really think that the analysis will take a longer amout of time than the actual composition. The roman numerals will be easy though, since I know what i'm writing in the first place.
Wow...that's a lot of typing for one assignment.
Anyway, the Jubilee paper is another challenge. It's about the Jubilee year of biblical times in which everyone was given food and shelter and freed of any challenge for one whole year. It's like a big weekend for everyone in which they're allowed all expenses paid for their life for that one year. Beforehand, to prepare for it, they grew a bunch of crops and stuff to feed everyone, obviously, but we also had to read about how we can apply the concept of the Jubilee year to modern times. I've never heard of such a thing, so I'm having a really difficult time applying something so foreign to my life...
Alongside that, I have Dante's inferno, in which we decided to create a children's storybook version of our own interpretation. Another thing, we have rehearsal for the play every night this week at 6:30.......it's bad because I have to go to the Brass and Choir concert tonight and I'm going to have to miss rehearsal....it sucks.
Wish me luck this week. I most likely won't be able to form complete sentences by friday night. <3 Joy
Friday, November 09, 2007
waltz for zizi
second soprano practice at 3 today...piano room...
blar.
anyway, things are ok. everyone have a good day! <3 joy
blar.
anyway, things are ok. everyone have a good day! <3 joy
Friday, November 02, 2007
a long way
just got in from a bike ride on spadra. a nice long, slow one. i don't know what's wrong with me lately. i feel like such a waste. i wouldn't call this feeling depressed, but i don't know. i've been getting sick more often. i'm scared to go to the doctor because i dont want my parents to have to pay for it. what if i have to have surgery for my cysts? i couldn't ask anyone to do anything for me. i just don't want to be a burden...which i'm being already. i hate this situation. so i took a bike ride to try and think of my priorities.
family
school
health
it sucks that i'm not doing anything helpful to these. i'm just here. at ozarks. doing the everyday thing. am i built for college? do i deserve this? how far am i pulling my family in order to stay here? how much of a waste or disappointment am I to them? i started this year with such high hopes, such eloquent journals. i can't use big words and false smiles to make everything seem like it's going to be ok anymore. i haven't been myself lately, and i miss the intelligent writing i did in high school.
i'm starting to think that high school really was the climax of my life. it's not going to get any better. i'm not going to get any smarter or more motivated. what can i do?
family
school
health
it sucks that i'm not doing anything helpful to these. i'm just here. at ozarks. doing the everyday thing. am i built for college? do i deserve this? how far am i pulling my family in order to stay here? how much of a waste or disappointment am I to them? i started this year with such high hopes, such eloquent journals. i can't use big words and false smiles to make everything seem like it's going to be ok anymore. i haven't been myself lately, and i miss the intelligent writing i did in high school.
i'm starting to think that high school really was the climax of my life. it's not going to get any better. i'm not going to get any smarter or more motivated. what can i do?
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