rest in belly

Pudding was eaten by Liz's cat.

I feel sad, but she lived an awesome life.

Should I get a new hamster? I like them.

Liz says I should name one Jello.

Maybe I shouldn't pick such a delicious name.

every step is an echo

This semester went by quickly. It was slow when I was living it, but when I look back, it was so fast.

I'm at home now. We spent about 11 or 12 hours driving back in the blizzard. It was scary, and I slept through a few car wrecks around us, but a lot of prayers kept us safe. We made it at about 9:30 last night.

I wish I could have talked to Steve longer on the phone. I wish he was here so I wouldn't be so lonely.

Anyway, I have to go Christmas shopping soon. It's already the 15th, and I'm really behind.




these are my lonely faces. Love you, bye! -Joy

the permanent solution to a temporary problem

So I've really been kinda emo lately, sorry guys!

Things are a lot better, I made some important decisions, and now I feel like I'm going in a completely different direction...it feels good.

I've talked with my family and my professors, and withdrawing and taking a semester off is my decision. I feel like, this way, I can gain some real life experience (not that college wasn't a real life experience, but you know, its school.)

I have a place to stay. I have jobs lined up. I can do this.

In other news, I've developed a cold with a horrible cough. Haha, stress really does lower your immune system's abilities to keep you healthy. Buuut, the stress is waning. I'm happy right now.

Sorry for worrying everyone with my last post. I was experiencing a 'low point.' I really should go to the doctor for that (among other things.)

I'm excited to go home and relax. I'm also happy to start over and have a little second chance. I'm so grateful.

-<3 Joy

Fate

So, I'm doing horribly in Theory III.

I didn't get it when I came in there. I felt like it was all my fault because I'm stupid. It couldn't possibly be Dr. Lindstrom's fault.

So, mid-semester, he told me that I had to drop it. I signed the petition. He told me that it was pointless for me to continue going to class, considering I'm going to drop it and my petition will be passed. He told me it would be passed and everything will be alright.

Today my petition was declined.

I'm stuck with a final grade of F in Theory III.
I wanted to re-take it anyway, but now my GPA will suffer. I might lose my scholarships. They might put me on academic probation. I will make my parents very very upset with me. I am a burden and a disappointment to them.
I hate my life right now. I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up. I'm crying all the time. I hate myself and what I'm doing. I hate being here, I hate having to go to school. I hate the disappointment my life is to everyone, including myself.

I came here because it was expected of me to go to college. There was so much pressure to pick the right one and do well. Get a good job = going to college. If you're not a complete loser, you go to college. Maybe I was a loser, and this isn't my life. College may not be the right thing for me.
Do I really want a good job? No, right now I just want to die.

Is college really my thing? If I quit now, will I regret it? Yea, probably. What is more important to me? Being in college and making something of myself? or doing what I want and being free to make something of myself without a BA? Should I take a semester off? What do I do?