Bullets softer now, still we bleed.

So much for an intellectual blog, huh.

I feel good today, I woke up with a fever and a headache, but now I'm a-ok.

Our band, formerly known as Killing the Mood, now is called Welcome to Friday. We have a gig in exactly 1 month, on the first of May! I'm so excited, we have roughly 2.5 songs we're working on: Green, That Thing You Do, and one i wrote today which I haven't titled yet.

Things will be quiet soon.

The Book.

I must have thought a million times over on how to start a book. There's most likely a book somewhere in the world entitled, The Easy Way to Accomplish a Difficult Task, Unless You’re Already So Talented. I wouldn't really know, considering finding said book would require me to possibly go into a library. The smell of libraries makes me feel like I've lived in one, and suddenly I feel a lurch in my stomach, like there is a necessity to scratch my way out of the piles of old paper and leather documentations of the lives and fantasies of ordinary people. I can't really stand it, even when I'm working so very diligently on an assignment or an informative speech for one of my many uninteresting classes.

But, however, I am digressing.

The point of this introduction is to explain how many times I've actually tried to start a book, or even to just think up a good way to start a decent plot. I would be brushing my teeth, thinking about clever sentences that seem to defy their own meaning. I spit. I lose the idea or reform it, its luster escaping with the toothpaste down the drain. "I've used too many damn adjectives in my life." I think as I walk quickly to yet another class I'm tardy for. I drop a book or two. I lose the idea with the papers that were supposedly firm and safe within one of my textbooks. "Nothing is safe." What kind of beginning is that? Of course, one I made up while walking alone at night, scaring myself with memories of horror movies and my own overactive imagination. I am reminded of exotic, creative deaths and traps, and my steps become long strides as I rush back to the safety of the dormitories. I lose the idea once again.

So I dare to ask, "Why even write a book? What is the point?" I feel I have three thousand stories within my brain. I don't understand the process, but every once in a while, I will actually create a formidable beginning sentence. An idea will sprout from my mind like a dandelion stem, and smiling, yellow petals will spring forth, reaching outwardly into the deepest crevices of my imagination, covering my eyes, creeping out through my mouth, nose, and ears until my only sense is a dull touch with which I clumsily grasp for a pencil. In a feral fervor, I scratch down this sentence and stare for what seems like a very long amount of time, not quite equaling an eternity, but then again, it doesn't really matter anyway.

What matters is that I've finally got it.

One of my absolute best friends told me today: "It's ok to be sad. It's even ok to sob like a little baby for a long time. It's your body's way of not exploding."

I see and feel what he means, and his statement cheers me up a little.

I am devastated.

I can't tell you why, I can't go into detail because I don't think I'm allowed to share what little information I have, but I just wanted you to know, things have taken a grave turn for the worse.

A Historian's Lament

I wrote a really funny email tonight. I'm aware this is my third entry, but I'm not really caring right now. I'm feeling political.

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Upon reading this email, I assume that you and I hold a mutual understanding that college students are not very financially sound. This being said, I would like to state that, while I am responsible for my own finances, I am not required to cover any petty expenses stemming from my position as a choir member for the entertainment or general need of the entire group.

It is not really, truly, greatly important that this happens, but it would be most pleasant if there were an opportunity for me, as a menial yet working member of the Ozarks Chorale board, to be reimbursed (through the account of the choir) for the journals I bought for the documentation of the tour.

I purchased and distributed seven notebooks at approximately $1.68 USD each. The total is $11.76 USD, and if you so choose, (for simplicity's sake,) you have the option of compensating me a rounded figure of $11.00 USD.
I have a copy of the receipt if it is necessary for a transaction. Also, if needed, you may forward this email to anyone else who may hold authority over the budget of the choir.

Again, if it is unreasonable for me to give this sort of request, I shall respectfully back away and presume my purchase as a donation. Thank you for your time in reading this long-winded and digressive email, and I hope to hear from someone considering this humble matter as soon as possible.


Sincerely,

Joy Baron

Choices in our lives: White or Wheat?

So I walked to Fred's today. I just bought simple things like food and snacks. It took me forever to decide between white and wheat bread...I've never bought bread before.

The absolute strangest thing in my life occured on the way back. If you can imagine, I'm a little sweaty from the walk and my hair was unbrushed. I was wearing a pair of black capris with a black and white Dir en grey tee shirt. My flip flops are bright pink. Imagine how I must have looked.

I see someone walk in my direction, but I just keep walking with my grocery bag. He shouted out at me, an African American man wearing a tan "Chicago" jersey. I froze.

"Hey, girl, whas yo name?"
"...Pardon me?"
"My name's (I forgot), whas yo name?"
"...Joy."
"Are you married?" (referring to the silver ring on my left hand, which I really only wear there because that's the only finger it fits on.)
"No..."
"You gotta phone number or somethin I could hit u up at?"
"...actually, I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend."
"Aw, I'm sorry, girl, have a good day."
"You, too..."
and I walked away.

It was the first, and possibly the final time anyone has/will ever ask me for my phone number simply out of the blue. Strange people.

Fixed Impulses.

There's a defining line between correct and incorrect thought, apparently.

When added, the word 'apparently' makes it seem like I'm thinking in an incorrect sense, right?

Of course.

However, that's not really what this is about.

Choir Tour. I was placed on a tour bus with 35 other participants in the Chorale/Chamber Singers/Bell Ensemble. I thought it would be fun. I thought I would have a great time and get to bond with my friends.

I thought.........normally the word 'wrong' would go here, but that isn't entirely the case.

I was simply mildly disappointed. I was not entirely wrong per se.

I'm not going to go into detail, considering the thought that I, myself, was not in the best of moods the entire time I was sitting on that bus...or at the ranch...or while in performance...

Travelling for long distances brings out the worst in me, and that is all I shall say about it.

For the actual events that occured on the tour, we went to San Antonio to spend some time on the River Walk and see the Alamo before our performance about midway through the trip. That was about the highlight of the experience for me, considering until that point we lived as follows:
Sleep. Travel. Sing. Maybe Eat. Sing. Sleep. Travel. Sing.

So now, right now, I'm just listening to Malice Mizer. You have to hear some of this stuff, it's amazing. It's a real shame my ipod got stolen, otherwise I'd take MM with me to go walking or something today. The weather is absolutely gorgeous.

Now I'll depart. <3 Joy

Green Bird

Spring has come
Worms are showing their faces
Little birds are eating them. Spring has come
Children are going to school
Farm dogs are giving birth to puppies. Spring has come
Women are looking in mirrors
Egg pies are baking.

Choir Tour

So I just want to say I love you all, and I promise to be safe this week while I'm on choir tour. You probably won't hear from me, considering I won't have access to a computer to blog or anything.

Have a safe and happy spring break! You'll hear from me in a week! <3 Joy

So today was a GREAT day!! I got my tax forms finished! YAY! So now I can pick up my checks! My last one was for 15 dollars, since I haven't been working as much and I only have 1 tutee rather than 2. It's cool, I'm ok with it.

I miss Daniel, I only see him in passing nowadays. It's kind of sad.

Also, I'm really scared for my ipod. I'll explain more later.

I miss my family, but I feel I can work hard for them.

Have a great day everyone, I love you!

"However, it's always a hard promise, that I'm going to save you again, no matter what. I put my two hands together and prayed, for endless courage and wisdom. "

Gan. Gu. Ro. You're like-a super star!

So today was an AWESOME DAY!!! I woke up, took a shower, totally had time to do my hair and make up! (and i look a lot better now that I feel healthier! XD )

I spent the day watching MTV and I ate mac and cheese for lunch. I have no clue what I'm doing this afternoon, but if there's a movie in maclean, guess I'll probably go.

the other day I earned 3 hours of community service working as an usher for the Symphony that came to play at our campus. it was AWESOME!~~ I've only seen bands that were bigger than that, but really, it was an amazing experience to see and hear.

"step by step! everyday! i know i'll make it my way!"

It's Midnight at the Carnival.

I have finished my Mass Comm presentation.

I need to finish:
1.)Mass Comm 2 page evaluation paper. (85% complete)
2.)Music Lit worksheet (10% complete)
3.)Study for Mass Comm test (0%)
4.)Type notes for Pete (roughly 50%)
5.)Recover (-20%)

My fever is going off and on. Orange juice and tea really helps. Thanks Mom! <3 ;)

Anyway, now is a really great, prime time to be emo; However I really am glad. I'm so grateful to be able to complete my work. You don't know how satisfied I am.

Well, my break is over, back to work. <3 Joy

What's going on?

So because of the recent racisim that's been floating around the campus (blegh! BLEGH!!) we had a very important meeting with Dr. Niece today in the Chapel.

...and when I say 'we' I'm referring to the ENTIRE school, teachers, faculty, students, spiders, possums, you name it, and it was crammed in that chapel today.

It was important. I felt moved by the message, and disgusted at the fact that the person who made some racist notes ACTUALLY HAD THE GAUL to write them on stationery with a Psalm scripture printed on it!! UGH!!

This is awful! I can't believe someone would be so rude and disgusting. We're all the same species, for pete's sake!! If we can't love our neighbor, who can we love!?

Anyway, so also today there was a mini rally for unity outside the chapel. Miranda and I went together, they played a song and a few people spoke about what was going on and what should be done.

I'm pissed, however, the thing I can do is to make sure I'm a loving, caring person to my fellow man, and also make sure to report any kind of discrimination against race, country, language, sex, religion, preference, or age. I don't want to see people get hurt anymore!

'One bad apple spoils the whole bunch; However, one good apple is not enough to turn the basket.'

I can surely try.

OOoh by the way...

So FINALLY we get to see the Affectus music video! yay!

It's posted on my myspace, but you can click the link below to go see it.

Affectus: Angels in a House of Glass

Fever?

I think I had one last night. My head was really hot but the rest of me was freezing.

I feel better now, but my throat is still....BLAAARRGH.

I wonder what to do.

Shining Light

Today I was in the cafeteria...and I tripped on a chair leg and almost fell.

waah. i'm very clumsy.

I feel good though, i just needed a little rest.

haha, sleeping class! i love that class!

and I love all my readers, thanks a lot! <3 Joy

My Decision

I'm not moving to Smith.

There are more cons than pros, and I don't feel like it XP

spider bites

This morning I woke up and got dressed, and I felt weird on my foot. I looked, there's nothing, but it's a little itchy and it felt like there was a needle in my slipper.

There wasn't. I checked personally.

But I don't know, are there spiders in Arkansas? Could I have been bitten? or is it just some other reason?

***Ok, so I'm going to blog about something that I probably shouldn't say. Are you ready? oooh the drama!***

(sigh) I really don't like it when people personally wake me up. I don't. I really really don't.
I like to wake up on my own accord, really. I like to prepare to see people, and I don't like being seen when I first wake up...especially since I've been sick, I wake up and look disgusting. EWW~
So how matter much I love you, even if you're family, you know by now to NOT wake me up! ...unless it's an emergency, and then, don't get in my face, ok?
Over the phone is great, it's like I get an alarm and get to talk to someone at the same time, but if you come in my room and scare me awake...that isn't very good to me.
I'm not angry, it just annoys me a little.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other than that, I've still been thinking about moving. I still have to talk to Anna.

Here's a list of pro's and con's:

PROS:
~I get my own room, it's more private. I want to try living by myself once.
~It's a quiet, study friendly hall.
~It smells better and is cleaner than King.
~Oppourtunity to make new friends, and also will be on the same floor as Miranda, Kristina, Robyn, and in the same hall as Rei.

CONS:
~It would cost more to live there alone (they would charge extra, plus not being able to share certain expenses with your roommate..)
~Leaving Anna! I get my own room, but it might be lonely.
~Anna and I would be left without certain appliances considering certain ones belong to the other roommate. (microwave/tv/fridge/etc.) HOWEVER, the cooking appliances can be used in the dorm kitchens, so that's not really a big problem.
~I have to move my stuff/walk every day up three flights of stairs.
~I basically move into exile (into the 'convent')away from all my awesome King friends.

So I'm still not very sure. If I want to do this, I have to act quickly, so I have to talk to Anna ASAP.

Funny Bunny

Today the weather was really nice, so I ended up helping Kristina move her furniture around! It was rough on me, I didn't realize how out of shape I am! haha!

Also, 313 in Smith is....absolutely empty?

Do I want to move before next year? I don't know. I'm beginning to think that Smith is a better environment to keep me on task and things like that, but I don't want to be bored.

I'll consult Anna later.