Fate

So, I'm doing horribly in Theory III.

I didn't get it when I came in there. I felt like it was all my fault because I'm stupid. It couldn't possibly be Dr. Lindstrom's fault.

So, mid-semester, he told me that I had to drop it. I signed the petition. He told me that it was pointless for me to continue going to class, considering I'm going to drop it and my petition will be passed. He told me it would be passed and everything will be alright.

Today my petition was declined.

I'm stuck with a final grade of F in Theory III.
I wanted to re-take it anyway, but now my GPA will suffer. I might lose my scholarships. They might put me on academic probation. I will make my parents very very upset with me. I am a burden and a disappointment to them.
I hate my life right now. I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up. I'm crying all the time. I hate myself and what I'm doing. I hate being here, I hate having to go to school. I hate the disappointment my life is to everyone, including myself.

I came here because it was expected of me to go to college. There was so much pressure to pick the right one and do well. Get a good job = going to college. If you're not a complete loser, you go to college. Maybe I was a loser, and this isn't my life. College may not be the right thing for me.
Do I really want a good job? No, right now I just want to die.

Is college really my thing? If I quit now, will I regret it? Yea, probably. What is more important to me? Being in college and making something of myself? or doing what I want and being free to make something of myself without a BA? Should I take a semester off? What do I do?