just got in from a bike ride on spadra. a nice long, slow one. i don't know what's wrong with me lately. i feel like such a waste. i wouldn't call this feeling depressed, but i don't know. i've been getting sick more often. i'm scared to go to the doctor because i dont want my parents to have to pay for it. what if i have to have surgery for my cysts? i couldn't ask anyone to do anything for me. i just don't want to be a burden...which i'm being already. i hate this situation. so i took a bike ride to try and think of my priorities.
family
school
health
it sucks that i'm not doing anything helpful to these. i'm just here. at ozarks. doing the everyday thing. am i built for college? do i deserve this? how far am i pulling my family in order to stay here? how much of a waste or disappointment am I to them? i started this year with such high hopes, such eloquent journals. i can't use big words and false smiles to make everything seem like it's going to be ok anymore. i haven't been myself lately, and i miss the intelligent writing i did in high school.
i'm starting to think that high school really was the climax of my life. it's not going to get any better. i'm not going to get any smarter or more motivated. what can i do?
3 comments:
Get your damn degree and make your parents proud. The End.
wow, i sounded so emo in this entry, huh.
thank you.
I'm sure Dad would want you to go to the doctor...I think you're being a little ridiculous.
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